When Hope is Weak

In Shear Madness (Celebrity Apprentice 4, May 1st), Donald Trump saw real fear in Star Jones … fear of NeNe Leakes! Star denied it, but Trump wasn’t buying it because he thinks NeNe is physically imposing. Really! NeNe looked like a total giant standing next to Star so she must have had some heavy duty heels on because word is NeNe is 5′ 10″ and Star is 5′ 5″. At one point, NeNe looked 6′ 10″ looming over Star. We’d be scared too.

The task of the two-hours at hand is to create a show surrounding the virtues of Farouk Systems, makers of BioSilk and CHI. Farouk himself is there to explain what’s what. Lil Jon is going to head up the men’s team and NeNe Leakes says she is going to be project manager because Star maneuvered her into it. NeNe has had about all she can take of Star and blows a gasket right in front of the client. Farouk is astounded. Donald and his progeny just stand there and let NeNe go wild. The “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star tells Jones that she’s not the one to mess with. NeNe promises to take Star down. Seriously Star did look a bit intimidated, even though she later claimed she was keeping her cool so America could see how “an educated black woman” like herself deals with stress, while the uneducated NeNe can’t keep her cool.

Trump tells Team Backbone that they are pretty boring by comparison, but the guys see a distinct advantage in this situation and also come up with a plan to that will help them win and mess with the women’s minds even more: they call up the previously fired Niki Taylor to be in their show. Niki is happy to help out, although she questions why the women didn’t call her. John Rich fills her in on the battle royale: “NeNe almost pulled Star’s head off and used it as a doorstop this morning.”

NeNe realizes she won’t have a chance of winning for her charity, she’s working to help abused women. The theme they decide upon is “Shake Your Beauty,” meaning the beautiful hair. We thought it was a cool theme. That broke the thaw in the room and the women danced and shook their tresses out.

La Toya Jackson returns to plead her case to Donald Trump. She wants to come back because she feels like she got a raw deal last week. Trump agrees she was at a disadvantage with a case of  laryngitis. La Toya believes she can prove she is a strong player. Trump says he’ll think it over and give her a reply in the next 24 hours. La Toya gets up to leave and Trump observes: “Nice pants.” Nothing escapes the Donald’s sharp eye, not even what’s on La Toya’s skinny ass.

The teams go through their usual near-disasters getting their acts together. Backbone has its Meat Loaf problems. The new Gary Busey would rather hang out in the bathroom. When the women find out Niki Taylor is working with the men, their minds are blown. Niki went above and beyond by bringing along 3 NYC top models. Scapegoats are lined up: Meat Loaf says if things go wrong because they didn’t rehearse enough, Lil Jon will have to take the weight. Star is sure she not only gave it her all, she can out talk NeNe in the board room any day.

Both presentations go well enough. We liked the women’s dancers a lot and we didn’t think NeNe was all that bad as presenter, but apparently Farouk did. NeNe said Hope may be a Playmate of the Month but she doesn’t know how to walk. Hope looks like Big Bird according to NeNe. We thought she looked more like a hairy ostrich. If they lose, NeNe says, Star and Hope are going down.

The “Feelin’ Good in America” presentation from Backbone included Niki as their Southern belle; a Rodeo Drive superstar complete with paparazzi; and Questlove from Roots gets offered a haircut for his afro, which he turns down. Lil Jon goes Mardi Gras with beads and a Mardi Gras queen who then turns into an NYC fashionista. Lil Jon is so convinced the men won, board room isn’t even in his vocabulary.

Before they even find out who won, NeNe starts up her “I Hate Star” campaign again, opining that she didn’t think her team was giving her 100%. Ivanka Trump wonders how flamethrowers can “expect camaraderie.” Star adjectives (some are repeats) included bossy, manipulative, disloyal, backstabber, mean, malicious, vicious and that was all before La Toya showed up! Marlee and Hope are on Star’s side with Marlee suddenly claiming NeNe scares her, which no one is really buying.

The men present a united front and claim that there is no weak member on their team. Lil Jon is supremely confident that they won and he’s right — the men won for the second week in a row. The men are in for another surprise, Trump says. La Toya comes in and is made a member of the men’s team to make up for the loss of Jose Canseco. This is a first and a last, Trump says. He’ll never do this again. When asked to weigh in on the NeNe/Star battle, La Toya takes NeNe’s side and the backstabbing and manipulative adjectives resurface again.

SHEAR MADNESS QUOTE ROUND-UP

NeNe is asked who she wants to send to safety. It’s Marlee. No big surprise. Hope’s situation is pretty hopeless, we can see, because as NeNe rightly pointed out, what do they need her for? She’s provided very little in the way of entertainment value even for the viewer. Her attempts to offer up NeNe’s head on a silver platter fail miserably. She brings up NeNe calling La Toya “Casper the Ghost” but why then, Trump asks, does La Toya love NeNe and not like Star? The one solid point Hope made — that NeNe should be fired just for losing it in front of the client — was ignored. The program was cut short amidst this squabbling so President Obama could announce the death of Osama Bin Laden (like 45 minutes after they cut in) but when we later caught up, Hope was out the door.