Lou Ferrigno: Take It Back. I Don’t Want to be Fired.

Lou Ferrigno was the latest celebrity to get his elevator papers on Celebrity Apprentice: Ad Hawk (4/9/2012) and, you know, we have been in Lou’s corner for most of this season but even we have to admit he was acting like a pissy baby.

Lou had a legitimate gripe against Lisa Lampanelli for calling him “a f–king loser” — more or less. Nobody heard those exact words, even Lisa didn’t know whether she said it or not! But first Lisa called the men on Teresa’s team “little bitches” then she got on Arsenio Hall’s case for calling Aubrey O’Day a “bitch” and a “whore.”

Lisa Lampanelli is the last human being on the planet that can tell me what language I should use when I’m angry. That’s the pot calling the kettle black. ~ Arsenio Hall

Then Lisa had a “mental breakdown” when she saw Lou and Dayana Mendoza return from the boardroom sans Dee Snider. She attacked them both:

That was f-ked up, Lou. I don’t give a shit how bad you feel…. And you were not an effective leader, and you (Dayana) had no ideas so you’re both f–king useless. ~ Lisa Lampanelli

After observing more than once that Lou and Dayana have 5 brain cells between them, Lisa flounced off angrily telling Penn he better get a lot of sleep because he would be doing 50% of the work with her.

Was it a big surprise to see Aubrey return after walking off last week. No. Was it a big surprise to hear her claim she was bullied by Clay Aiken and Arsenio in the boardroom. No. It was typical. She is one twisted chick AND she’s playing for an anti-bullying charity, no less. Makes us think of J-Woww and Snooki.

The new task was to create a 60-second video to advertise Entertainment.com’s coupon app so Dayana unilaterally announced that she would take over the management of the new task for Team Forte.

… Evita over here frickin’ yells she’s going to be project manager. Really? I’ll cry for you Argentina cause you’re gonna lose this for us cause you got no friggin’ idea in your head. ~ Lisa Lampanelli

But there were few fireworks between Lisa and Dayana this time around. Lisa came to acknowledge that Dayana wasn’t as bad as she thought. You gotta love Dayana though. We do.

I am the project manager for this task. I couldn’t wait just to step up because Lisa screams and curses and she said you are beep useless, you are beep beep beep ~ Dayana Mendoza

Penn said the two of them getting along was the closest he ever came to experiencing a miracle and he’s an atheist.

Teresa Giudice stepped up for Team Unanimous to make up for losing by $14 last time. Aubrey had a heart-to-heart with Arsenio who admitted his choice of words was ill-advised. Then Aubrey chirped about how she needs to lay back and not share her awesome creativity this time even though it would be sorely needed because no one else is quite as wonderful as she is.

Teresa’s a Muppet Baby. People put their hands in her and tell her what to do. Do it again. Ohhhh cute! Ohhhh! ~ Aubrey O’Day

Team Forte created a video about a couple using coupons from Entertainment.com over the course of a proposal, honeymoon, winding up with baby-planning. They used actors for the couple and Lou was ticked off that he wasn’t in the video.

I’m an actor ~ Lou Ferrigno

Unanimous decided to feature Paul Teutul in their video as an ‘old-fashioned’ dad who always clips coupons while his hip daughter (Aubrey) and her boyfriend (an actor) enthuse over coupons in risque double-entendres. Wasn’t it nice to see Paul get some positive attention over how well he transformed from a rough and tumble kinda guy to a “dweeb,” as an impressed Ivanka Trump put it.

Penn had to leave for a show and would be back the next day again. Lou found it unprofessional. But even though Penn had to leave, he did more work on the project in the short time he was there physically, than Lou did the whole time. That certainly did not sit well with Lisa.

Dude, I get it, you’re strong. What else you got? ~ Lisa Lampanelli

Lou vowed to take Lisa on for her insults, and initially we were hoping he could pull it off, too. But Lou was no match for Lisa’s vicious verbal skills. She’s an insult comic who regularly calls people losers and worse, even on her twitter and not giving anyone equal time to respond is her specialty. The best Lou could offer in the boardroom was:

Lisa is lucky to not be a man tonight because I would throw her right through that wall. ~ Lou Ferrigno

Donald Trump said he would protect Lisa. Teresa Giudice couldn’t decide who she would bring if she lost, but they didn’t lose for some odd reason so Teresa escaped the Clay/Arsenio “gang bang” predicted by Aubrey. We personally thought Dayana’s team put on a better presentation because they showed a variety of available coupons, but the execs found their creativity lacking, plus they didn’t show the front of the phone, tablet and notebook they used. But worst of all, they didn’t use anyone on the team in the video. So using Paul and Aubrey won the day, sexually suggestive language and alienating coupon clippers notwithstanding. Plus, unless we’re nuts, they cut out the whole honeymoon part when it was shown in the boardroom. This was something the execs liked a lot but somehow it just went away.

I’m not a big fan of double entendres ~ Penn Jillette

With only 4 team members, Dayana had to choose one to send to safety. She used one of her brain cells to send Penn back, evidently deducing that Lisa and Lou would go at it full throttle and she could just hang back and watch the fireworks. She was almost right. Lisa wanted Lou to get the boot, but Lou wanted Dayana to go, recalling how she failed to listen to his camera angle suggestions. He said Lisa at first but took it back. But Lou had already committed the worst sin of all – disloyalty. Lou said he liked the other team’s video better than his own team’s video! Everyone was appalled. Lisa called him a “Benedict Arnold.” Lou claimed he was just being honest. Really? It didn’t come off that way.

Lisa skewered Lou good in the boardroom and told Trump he uses his hearing disability when it’s convenient — it’s pure manipulation. Lou went into his spiel about how he gave 100%, temporarily forgetting his other 10% he always gives, but he found it soon enough. The unmitigated gall. Especially after claiming he was just being honest. If Lou wanted to be honest, he should have admitted he only gave 10% this task.

In the end, Donald Trump couldn’t excuse Lou’s betrayal of his team. Lou didn’t want to be fired so he told Trump to take it back, but Trump said there was nothing he could do. Uh-huh. Don Jr. observed how his father impressed the importance of loyalty on them growing up.

Forte only has 3 members now and Unanimous has 4 so he could bring Lou back next week, like he did with LaToya Jackson last year, but let’s not hold our breath. He’ll probably send someone over to the other team to even it out. We’d put money on Arsenio.