Swipe Recap: Shameless

In the second Shameless episode of Season 7, Swipe, F— & Leave, (10-9-16), Ian broke up with Caleb, Debbie had a pretty close call at the playground and a few things happened to Fiona, job-wise, a relationship-less relationship and, of course, dealing with Frank.

That’s how the episode opened up, with Fiona breaking the door down to her bedroom while Frank climbed out the window. Veronica stopped by to reclaim her vacuum and found Fiona dragging Frank’s belongings out in trashbags. V asked her if she was upset about her failed wedding but Fiona said Frank did her a favor on that score. Downstairs, Frank interrupted breakfast to inform his boys that he was going to disinherit them all and that meant they wouldn’t be able to use the Gallagher name anymore. When Debbie heard about it, she immediately decided to call Franny by her middle name: Harriet. So Franny is henceforth Harry. Fiona came in, snatched the toast out of Frank’s hand, thanked him for making it for her and informed him that the place would soon be padlocked. She went to work and Frank left, taking Liam with him. Lip did try to stop him but since Frank is Liam’s father, he couldn’t.

You can’t fire me. I’m the only woman of color and I will sue your ass

At Patsy’s Pies, Olga and Melinda continued to be a thorn in Fiona’s side. She is sick of their attitudes and disregard of her schedules. Fiona went to the offices of the company that owns Patsy’s, wandered into a woman’s office and asked for Chad. Turns out, the woman is Chad’s boss and she thinks they should just shut the sh*thole down. Fiona quickly rethinks quitting as manager if she will keep it open, and let her fire some people. “Fine,” the executive says, “just don’t cost us any money.” An overjoyed Fiona immediately took control by hiring three new waitresses, including one “woman of color” right after Olga threatened her with a lawsuit. Melinda chose to leave rather than wear one of the new uniforms because she only shows her spider veins to her gyno and the neighbor with the binoculars.

One of the new waitresses, Sierra, has her eye on Lip. She invited Fiona to hang out after work with Lip. Another tipped Fiona off to Tinder, where Fiona can get her pipes cleaned without getting entangled in a relationship.

You didn’t bring any Lysol, or ammonia or a mop or anything ~ Kevin Ball

Now that Svetlana is in charge of the family finances, Kevin is in charge of the kids and cleaning. Alas, he makes a better playmate for Amy, Gemma and Evgeny and helped the kids mess the place up worse than it was with a food fight. Svetlana and V lectured Kev on his inability to do this one job so he hired a topless maid to do the cleaning. The maid could not believe that Kevin really thought she was going to clean the house. She gave him her menu and we think he chose “Sham Wow,” even though he denied having sex with the woman. Kev also came up with the idea of “Nooks & Fannies.” They will corner the topless maid business by supplying more than the other services, like an old woman who really cleans while V and Svetlana provide the entertainment.

I’m gay, all right? 100% gay ~ Ian Gallagher

Ian spent the night at the Gallagher hacienda after seeing Caleb publicly pawing Denise. When Caleb caught up with Ian, he admitted that he gets busy with Denise every now and then. Caleb doesn’t think having sex with Denise counts as cheating on Ian. Why Ian was so messed up in the head over this is beyond us. It’s hardly his first time at this rodeo. There was already a storyline like this in Season 3, where Mickey had sex with Angie Zago and didn’t think it was cheating but went ballistic when he found out Ian was sleeping with Ned. And how about when Mickey married Svetlana? What was new was Ian’s his first sexual experience with a random woman in retaliation but it was revolting to him because he is 100% gay. Caleb, being on a totally different wavelength, just didn’t care so Ian called it quits. Somehow we don’t think that’ll be the last we see of Caleb. They are co-workers, after all.

This is so fun, Harry. We have such a great life now

Debbie is still running her “business” of stealing fancy strollers and prams and selling them on Craigslist. We thought that a real owner would show up posing as a customer, but no. Debbie stole a double stroller that one idiotic mother left one of her twins in. Debbie was telling Franny, uh, we mean Harry, how they’d have enough money to pay for her college soon, when the baby started crying. Debbie frantically grabbed Harry and took off.

Other storylines:

Carl had a hard time keeping his stitches stitched after his circumcision and had to return to Dr. Ruben twice. The doctor advised him to conjure up horrible mental images to avoid being sexually stimulated and if that didn’t work, he could try watching Ted Cruz on C-Span. Ian finally came through with a Thorazine injection and when the 72 hours were up, Carl and Dominique picked up where they left off.

Swipe Guest Stars and Co-Stars

Professor Youens evidently came through with an internship for Lip. He’s basically a gopher at a tech company where the young owners are “rich as balls” and under investigation by the FBI. They have codes for dealing with that. One said: “Two raptors circling the nest.” The other one deleted all his files and said: “Nest is secured.”

Yes, we are leaving out Frank and his barricade and how he brought home Dollface and how they shut the water off on him. Seriously, we have already seen Frank get evicted from this house too many times. At this point, it’s ridiculous because even if they gave him the house, he’d lose it and show up at their new digs.