Spider Monkey Sammi

Awwww! Sammi and Ronni had a fight and broke up. Who was right? LOL. Who cares?

We’re feeling a lot more sorry for the Jersey Shore fan trying to find a recap actually relevant to the Season 3 Episode 7 fight and break-up of these two well-paid reality stars (you thought we were gonna call them something bad?) We mean, what do you search for? Ronnie and Sammi break up? Ronnie and Sammi fight?

We weren’t even going to write about it, but we saw these searches in our own stats, landing on older posts “Single Sammi” and “Ronnie and Sammi’s Last Fight” — which is why we entitled this Spider Monkey Sammi, because Sammi and Ron had many fights but there has been only one time that Vinnie said she was a spider monkey with a pit bull grip, as Ron tried to throw her bed out with Sammi on it.

OK the highlights of what was basically an entire episode of Sammi and Ronni cussin’ and fussin’ which culminates in one of those would-be fights where the other cast members, in this case, the guys have to intervene. We couldn’t believe Pauly D couldn’t hold Sammi back. Wildcat! Ron starts throwing her stuff out, including the bed with her on it – prompting the spider monkey and pit bull comparison.

They all go out and Sammi gets into being single in a big way, rubbing up on her dance partners, lots of flagrant flirting. She’s either making the statement “how do you like it?” or she’s deliberately trying to make him jealous. Ronnie exits but not before telling Sammi why: “You want to dance with dudes, bleep you.” He goes home and trashes her stuff and even stomps on her glasses, breaking them to bits.

Sammi cannot believe this uncalled for turn of events. Ron felt disrespected by her dancing with other guys with him right there: “At least I had enough respect for you to do it while you weren’t around,” he says, trying to make himself look like … what? The considerate cheater? OMG!

Incredibly, Sammi cried more over her glasses than her decision to leave. Ronnie on the other hand turns back into a wuss when she leaves and dolefully regrets his impulsive blow-up, and probably calling Sammi all those bad names and (hopefully) breaking the fake glasses and other stuff.

No, we don’t believe this was for real. And we have seen many similar fights between characters who are married on TV and in the movies that really were scripted and seemed more true to life than this.

How about Carmela (Edie Falco) and Tony (James Gandolfini) on the Sopranos when Irina (Oksana Lada) calls Carmela up to let her know about Tony sleeping with her one-legged cousin, Svetlana (Alla Kliouka Schaffer). Carmela throws Tony’s stuff out of the window:

In “Jungle Fever” Drew (Lonette McKee) finds out her husband, Flipper (Wesley Snipes), is sleeping with a white woman (Annabella Sciorra) and flips out big-time:

Angela Bassett’s screen husband (Michael Beach) is leaving her for a white woman so she sets fire to his personal belongings and car in “Waiting to Exhale.”

Connie (Talia Shire) breaks all the dishes when she finds out that Carlo (Gianni Russo) is cheating in “The Godfather.”

Great scripts, great acting (also notice it’s the woman throwing the stuff out in all of these).

Back to “Jersey Shore,” we’re still willing to bet Sammi will return and go to Italy with Ronnie and the rest of the crew but hope, if she does, they will think up a new script for these two buttholes. Adesso basta!