Shameless Recap: Weirdo Gallagher Vortex

The third episode of Season 9 of “Shameless” was called “Weirdo Gallagher Vortex,” a line spoken by Brad. There were some laughs to be had along with some not-so-funny stuff.

Make sure you vote ~ Frank Gallagher

As Mo White’s campaign manager, Frank was knocking on doors, putting up signs and taking donations, bringing Mo White along. Mo didn’t spring into action until they knocked on an African-American lady’s door and he decided to convince her that he was a better candidate to support than Wyman. When they got within 100 yards of a school, however, Frank learned that Mo was wearing an ankle bracelet because he was on parole for statutory rape. At the Alibi, Veronica remembered that little tidbit but Frank gave a rousing speech about how second chances are so American, pointing out that O.J. and Ted Kennedy got them. Frank told Kev that Mo will never get elected but, of course, he doesn’t care. Win or lose, Frank’s got his fingers in the campaign till. He’s already paid off his bar tab and put an extra $100 on it for future use.

Certifide Vagina Safe ~ Kev’s sign for the Alibi door

After the Alibi was voted the “rapiest” bar on the South Side by Bethany Pickford-Watson, Kev and V went into action to rectify that problem, like taking down the many sexually suggestive wall decorations, renaming Sex on the Beach to just Beach and making customers get consent forms from sober women they want to harass. Then Carl showed up with Bootsie, a dog dying of cancer. He told V that he was taking care of the dog as part of his volunteer work so he could get Congressman Ubberman’s recommendation to West Point but it probably wouldn’t work because he couldn’t even get an appointment. Turns out that V knew Ubberman as “Wubby.” He was her best client in her dominatrix days. Even though her costume had long been packed away and was painful to wear, she dragged it out, dusted if off and paid Wubby a visit at his office, scandalizing the secretary! Carl had his recommendation soon enough. Who knows if they will ever revisit the Kassidi storyline? Probably not, if no one ever finds her body.

See that girl over there … she wants to kill me. ~ Liam Gallagher

Liam is way ahead of the public school students. He even knows cursive! Wearing a tie to school did get him bullied by a classmate called Cracker Girl but Liam had an ace up his sleeve. He noticed Todd, a big rough-looking kid, copying his test answers and slid the paper over so the kid could see better. Then he took the seat in front of Todd and offered his assistance in passing the class in return for protection. Now he has a very able and zealous bodyguard, who will protect Liam from everyone, even potential friends.

I think I might be gay ~ Debbie Gallagher

Debbie’s friendship with Alex blossomed into partners in criminal mischief (welding metal phalluses on the vehicles of men they don’t like) and sexual experimentation. Debbie asked Alex when she knew she was gay and Alex replied that she knew it from the moment they slapped her behind and cut the umbilical cord. Ian’s reply to the same question was that he had sex with a man. He told Debbie that she’s not gay. Debbie told him about her adventures in babysitting when she moved in to help Erica Wexler, the lady who had cancer in Season 6. Debbie thought that made her “at least bisexual” but Ian disgreed. Debbie informed him that he was not Gay Jesus nor was he Gay Che: “You’re a bipolar Gallagher who doesn’t take his meds.” She suggested he stop trying to save the world and save himself. Pretty good advice. Lip ought to take it, too.

We will sort all this out when DCFS gets here ~ Denise

Xan, whose full name is Alexandra Galvez, also went to school with Liam but landed in the hospital with a broken arm after falling off the jungle gym. Lip said he was her brother to get in to see her. He was told they could not release Xan to anyone but a parent or legal guardian. If no one showed up, they’d have to call DCFS. Lip tried to enlist Brad’s help in that endeavor but Brad wasn’t having it and one can hardly blame him. So Lip went into an old guy’s room and pulled the plug on his ventilator, creating a Code Blue situation. Then he took off with Xan. The whole situation defies belief. However did he get Xan enrolled in school, for one thing? You need a parent or legal guardian for that, too.

Do you know what God wants us to do next? ~ Ian

Shim stopped talking to Ian once he got out of jail so Ian spent the whole episode looking for Shim. His search took him to a Buddhist temple, a synagogue and a Catholic church, the “classics” Frank told him to stick to. The Catholic priest told Ian to read the Bible if he was looking for answers so he went home and dug into the Ten Commandments. Meanwhile, not one member of his faithful flock has shown up at his door. Maybe they are out looking for a more reliable Gay Jesus.

Is this the thing Whitford sucked you into? ~ Ford

Ford was not impressed with the empty lot that Fiona invested $100K in because she believes the future Sunset Brook Senior Care, Phase 2 will be built there and she will get a 30% return on her investment in the first year. Ford got jealous and wanted to tag along to her meeting with Whitford after she made a big deal out of what to wear. Fiona felt very weird about Ford suddenly questioning the status of their relationship when, not so long ago, he was all about not committing to anything. They made up at the end of the episode. Still, after two business successes, it’s time for Fiona to take a fall and we think that Whitford will screw her. Business-wise, we mean.