Shameless Recap: Down Like the Titanic

In Episode 7 of Shameless’ Season 9, a very depressed Fiona took stock of her crumbling empire while Debbie set out to get revenge on Ford. Frank frolicked with Dr. “Ingy” Jones while Lip ran into a recent acquaintance he parted on bad terms with.

It will leave you with your credit intact – Max Whitford

Debbie found Fiona in her apartment and got her to answer the door by threatening to take it off the hinges. She took Fiona to the hospital to deal with her car accident injuries. Fiona needed some stitches in her face and had a broken wrist that was going to take about 6 weeks to heal. She decided that her only option was to list her apartment building for sale for $400K+. Debbie and Farhad helped Fiona by having his uncle look at her car. Farhad’s uncle said he would give her $600 for the parts and all she had to do was report it stolen. Then her insurance company would pay off the loan. Fiona really felt awful about missing Ian’s sendoff but when Lip caught up with her, he assured her that her reason was a good one. Max Whitford finally caught up with her at the building and Fiona confessed that she did not have the $25K for the Sunset Brook project. He offered to help her out by buying the place for the total amount of her two mortgages: $292K, plus he would loan her the $25K with interest. We’re pretty sure Fiona can find a better way out than that.

We can do this. We are three skilled laborers ~ Debbie Gallagher

Farhad also agreed to help Debbie get revenge on Ford and they asked Alex if she wanted to help out. Debbie wanted to build a 6-foot scaffold. Alex suggested they just castrate Ford with Farhad’s goat knife. Farhad thought they should bury him up to his neck and stone him to death like they do to adulterers in his country. Debbie’s plan was definitely the best. They built the scaffold and had a big thingamajig up there and had a taser to knock Ford out and put him in it like he was in ye old time stocks. Then they pulled his pants down so he was butt-naked to the world. “This man is an a$shole” was scrawled above his head in big red letters. Ford begged for help while passerbys gawked at this bizarre spectacle. Debbie got Fiona and took her to the scene blindfolded. Debbie gave Fiona her choice of weapons: a paddle, sock full of rocks, paintball gun or crossbow in case Fiona wanted to “Katniss Everdeen” Ford. LOL! Fiona chose the paintball gun and fired away.

I never realized how much fun indoor tobogganing can be ~ Ingrid Jones

Frank and Ingrid Jones stayed up all night sliding down her staircase on a saucer sled and smoking weed. Then she decided to make Frank her little hairless mouse by shaving all his hair off from the neck down. That’s when her ex-husband Randy came in and reminded Ingrid that she was supposed to be at work. Ingrid blew him off because she didn’t have a patient until 1 pm. Frank went to work with Ingrid and played sex games with Frank under the desk while she talked to her patient. She hid under the desk for the next patient and let Frank play the psychotherapist role. Randy warned Frank that it wasn’t going to be all fun and games when the switch went off. “You won’t know what hit you,” Randy said and showed Frank scars from 14 stab wounds inflicted by Ingrid on his torso. Later, when Frank woke up at Ingrid’s place, she was in full manic mode, breaking glass and probably putting it in the food she offered him. She put a knife to his throat and ordered him to eat the Brie! Frank managed to leave and come back later. Randy had administered thorazine to Ingrid and wanted Frank to bow out of the picture at this point. Instead, Frank talked Randy into taking a trip to Mt. Fuji.

You guys invited Jabby? ~ Tami

Lip went to church for the baptism of Brad and Cami’s baby. The godmother was Cami’s crazy sister, Tami, who showed up 20 minutes late. Dr. Jones, at least, is bipolar. Tami is just plain wild. She and Lip last saw each other at the beauty shop where she works when he asked her for a date. She turned him down and insulted his manhood. She decided to give Lip another shot at pleasing her but only rated him a 6. Lip refused to get out of her car until he proved that he was better than that. Eventually, he got a 9.5.

West Point requires you to have a 3.75 GPA ~ Kelly Keefe

Carl wanted to take over Ian’s room but Kelly insisted upon prepping him for his West Point entrance exam. Whatever Carl was doing in the last two years at military school, it wasn’t well academically. Carl is dumber than the proverbial rock and thinks Abraham Lincoln was the first president. Kelly decided there was still hope for him to get in on a hardship exemption since he more than qualified for all the life experiences that should not happen to someone under 18 years old. She should probably advise him to leave off the part about personally microwaving a bunny. TMI, Kelly. We’re figuring that Carl going off to West Point will be his farewell on the show.

V and Kevin are dead… I murdered them… and you’re next, Shawntelle ~ Kevin Ball

Veronica was going to give away all her twins’ baby stuff to her friend Shawntelle but Kev could not bear to part with any of it. When Shawntelle showed up, he pretended to be a serial killer and threatened to kill her. All the memories the toys brought back made Kev want to have another baby but that got him a definite “N to the O” from V. Kev was so depressed, he could not even bring himself to tell Frank off at The Alibi when Frank offered to give him one or two of his kids. Finally, V said that even though she was not physically up to another pregnancy, she would agree to adopting a newborn.

The show ended with Fiona getting crocked in the Gallagher yard. Instead of a preview, there was an announcement that the show was going on Hi-Beer-Nation and will be back on January 20, 2019.

That may be bad news to some. To me, it meant I don’t have
to watch Ray Donovan in a different time slot.