Hope Springs Paternal Recap: Shameless

After a week hiatus, Shameless returned with “Hope Springs Paternal” (S4 E8), with Fiona under house arrest, Lip taking care of Liam, Frank ensconced at Sheila’s, Ian’s return and Debbie still pining for Matty. New events? Yes indeed. Carl got suspended from school, Debbie got a visit from “Aunt Flo”, Sammi came up with a true Gallagher-like money-making scheme, and OMG! Carol had the baby she conceived with Kev.

Svetlana went into labor, too, but Mickey ran off with Ian, much to Mandy’s disgust.

Chez Gallagher, Fiona bakes cookies and tells Debbie and Carl to make sure their rooms are clean for her probation officer’s visit. They don’t do it and Debbie even sasses her: “I’m not the one who left the cocaine out.” Fiona has to do it herself, ruining Debbie’s “Virginity Countdown” project and throwing out Carl’s porn, taser and nunchuks. The probation officer refuses Fiona’s cookies, informing her they are not friends and if she leaves the house, she will be in deep trouble. She could be housebound as long as 10 days. Fiona also has to supply a urine sample and let the probation officer watch her make pee-pee.

At House of Milkovich, Mickey’s wife, Svetlana, waits for Ian to wake up, very patiently — since it’s afternoon. Ian hops into the shower and Svetlana comes in with a hammer, pulls the curtain aside and warns him that if he does not get out, she will use it on his orange head.

Testing the boundaries of her ankle monitor, Fiona finds she can’t even throw out the trash. She calls Veronica for help and a bottle of vodka. When Lip returns home, Fiona has downed quite a bit of alcohol and forgotten about dinner in the oven. The smoke alarm goes off and Lip spies the vodka bottle. Disgusted, he gives Fiona hell and storms off with all the kids. Debbie goes next door to water Sheila’s plants. There’s also the problem of a parent or guardian accompanying Carl to school the next day since Fiona can’t do it. Although Sammi says Frank can’t, he says he will.

An unrepentant Robbie shows up at Fiona’s door. Fiona gets angry when he wants to know if she snitched about where the coke came from. “You ruined my life,” she rages. Robbie says he did her a favor because his brother is a boring yuppie asshole. Fiona says she didn’t tell because she already hated herself for a lot of things and didn’t want to add snitch to the list, even though she could have gotten off easier. Frankly, we’ve never been able to see how. Robbie’s a user, not a dealer, and it would still go back to her ill-advised admission that the cocaine was hers.

Meantime, at college, Lip’s stock as a chick magnet has gone up because of Liam. His roommate’s girlfriend, Amanda, is still helping him babysit. A girl in the cafeteria gives him her number and later they hook up. After the burned dinner fiasco, Carl and Liam get to go to the ABC (Anything But Clothes) dorm party while Lip tries to study. Fiona makes a desperate call to beg Lip to stop his relentless passive-aggressive behavior and realize that she needs the family with her.

While Chuckie and Frank write down illegal ways to raise money, Sammi comes up with one of her own: they can sell Sheila’s house. It’s a scam she has worked in the past with a husband or two, where they set a low price and ask for an earnest money deposit in cash. They also start selling off Sheila’s furniture.

Debbie asks Sammi for some help with both how to deal with her period and her situation with Matty. Sammi loves having a little sister and advises her to pull a long con. Be attractive, be cool. Hang out with Matty so he can see what he’s giving up. Debs and Matty hang out at the arcade but when he wants to go have a pizza together, she says she has a date and sails off, leaving him flabbergasted.

What became of Ian? After reuniting with his family, Ian tells Fiona he is not going back to school. He’s going to live life on his own terms and when Mickey comes over, he has some terms for Mickey as well. He takes Mickey back to the club with him where he dances. Jealous Mickey threatens a customer and publicly kisses Ian.

Carol gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Kev was thrilled with his new son while Carol was overcome with emotion, even scolding Veronica for telling her to abort the baby. V saw that Carol wanted to keep her baby and advised Kev to let her, saying Carol is a great mom: “Look how well I turned out.” Kev shed a few tears but gave in.

Frank put in an appearance at Carl’s school to inform all the parents that they are lucky and should be thankful for Carl’s bullying. “Bullying is a part of every ecosystem,” he informed one parent, “It teaches kids resilience.”

The episode ended with Liam waking Fiona up after Lip brought him home. She thanked Lip and he said “no problem.”