Shameless Quotes: Order Room Service

Here are some quotes from “Order Room Service,” the March 31st episode of Shameless (Season 3, Episode 11)

Fiona: You look like a baby rabbit when you sleep.
Jimmy: Exactly what every man wants to hear first thing in the morning.
Fiona: This whole Ann Arbor thing — we can make it work…
Jimmy: I just don’t want the kids resenting me for leaving their friends at school.

Mandy: Can you hurry up and get ready? I want to get to school early. Gonna swipe some bags of tater tots from the cafeteria for Mickey’s wedding.
Jimmy: Little bro-sky took a big boy dump on the big boy toilet… We’re gonna celebrate by walking to the store for some butt wipes.
Fiona: And peanut butter and pop tarts. And tampons — sorry. And be sure he wears a hat — it’s getting cold.
Jimmy: Tampons?
Mandy: I don’t get why Jody and Sheila can’t set up Karen’s sh-t by themselves.
Lip: Look, she needs a lot of stuff, okay? She can’t even walk by herself yet. She’s got frontal lobe damage. You know the dude who hit her probably doesn’t even have a scratch on him.

Bum on Train: Go away, this is my turf.
Frank: Your turf? What is this, West Side Story? You can’t own a whole train car. This is public property.
Bum: I’ve been sleeping in this car six years. Pissed, puked … in it. By law of bodily fluids, it’s mine.
Frank: Well I’m not moving.
Bum: You’re a terrible homeless person.
Frank: I’m not homeless, I have a home…
Bum: Bullshit. You look like a bum and you smell like a bum.
Frank: I’m a passenger.
Bum: Get off my lawn.

Estefania: I have this stupid shoe I bought and it break and I tried to call to complain but they don’t understand me. You call, yeah?
Jimmy: No, Estefania. This number’s for emergencies.
Estefania: I am bored, Steve. All I do I sit here with textbooks, go shopping …
Jimmy: Okay, okay. I will go to the store later.
Beto: Ohhhhh. Can you do cows and chickens too?
Jimmy: Not as good as your mom.

Lip: I need your advice.
Kev: Well if it’s about infants, college or tiny dicks, I’m the wrong guy.
Lip: No, it’s about crazy, I think you were married to it once.
Kev: Why? Is Mandy going koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs?
Lip: I think she ran over Karen with her car.
Kev: Dude, you’re at DefCon 1. You need to get the bleep out of there… very slowly. You need to make her think it’s her idea. Keep your distance because once they get behind the wheel, there’s no going back.
Lip: OK, I mean, I’m gone a lot. They need a lot of help over at Karen’s.
Kev: Lip, you can’t tell her that sh-t!. That’s like waving the flag in front of the bull. Hide the car keys. Stop showering and you tell her nothing! And whatever you do, do not, Lip, do not let her bone you. That oxytocin stuff makes them adhesive. You got it?

Carl: We’re not supposed to talk to you. Fiona and Lip will be mad.
Frank: Well of course they will. Treat me like a leper because I’m a bad father.
Carl: I could sneak you in the van tonight.

Carl: What about Frank? We can’t leave him here. It’s getting cold.
Fiona: Of course we can. His thick layer of bullsh-t will keep him warm.
Debbie: What’s a studio?
Veronica; It’s a one-room apartment, Debs.
Debbie; How are we all gonna fit in one room?

Fiona; So you put a deposit down… on a studio apartment?
Jimmy: Think about it. Isn’t it so much easier if I get a place over there and come home on the weekends? I mean, why uproot the entire family?
Fiona: You made the decision without me… ?
Jimmy: Right, I got sucked into your world. I bent to your rules. I just assumed that we’d eventually decide how to move forward together like couples do. But there never was “we.” What have I been doing? Cooking, cleaning, laundry — living in a goddam slum.
Fiona: A slum? You made me feel like I could depend by you and now it’s a slum…. Why don’t you go find another place to sleep — a bleeping STUDIO!

Carl: They’ll get over it. At least Fiona will.
Frank: I wouldn’t count on it. That ornery bitch can hold a grudge. People bleep up. That’s life. Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you regardless what you do. That’s the whole point, otherwise why bother?
Carl: I’m your family.

Carl: My foster gays have a lot of nice stuff.
Frank: Are you suggesting what I think your suggesting… ?
Carl: I have their security code.
Frank: Is that so?

Karen: Where’s Jody?
Sheila: He’s at the Wongs, picking up Hymie. Do you remember Hymie?
Karen: I remember. The Asian mongoloid.
Sheila: Actually, we can call him a retard. We’ve earned that right.
Sheila: Do you know that mothers in Africa wipe their babies’ dirty bottoms on their knees?
Karen: Where’s Jody?
Sheila: At the Wongs. And then they use leaves to scrape the poop off. I mean why not just use the leaves in the first place? I don’t understand why they’re not sick all the time over there with all that bacteria.
Karen. Bacteria. I’m hungry.
Sheila: I’ll make sandwiches after this.
Karen: Where’s Jody?

Fiona: Is that cup a perk or did you have to pay for that?
Mike Pratt: Hey, don’t hate ’cause I get swag. Full-timer. If you weren’t going to Michigan, maybe you’d pull cups too.
Fiona: Well, sh-t! How can I go now knowing that?
Mike: Well, sh-t! I don’t think you can. Cheers!

Richard Cotovsky played the guy with bodily fluid rights on the train.