Shameless Quotes: Where There’s a Will

Here are some quotes from Episode 8, Season 3 of Shameless (recap here):

(left: Tyler Jacob Moore as Off. Markovich; right: Christian Clemenson as Christopher)

Cousin Patrick: Thank you all for coming out in honor of Aunt Ginger. Gigi as I called her. You know when the guy at the funeral place handed me her ashes, I thought ‘how do I do it? put ’em in a vase on my mantel or scatter them at the park or a lake? Then I thought, no. I know where she was happiest. On this corner… her corner. Where she turned tricks in her 20s and 30s.
Frank: 60s.
Carl: She did magic tricks?

(left: Josh ‘the Ponceman’ Perry as Joshua; right: Brent Sexton as Cousin Patrick)

Carol: I’m ovulating again.
Kev: I’m like a stud bull. You open the barn door, slap me on the ass…

Carl: Patrick wants to steal our house?
Debbie: Option 4: Kill Patrick.
Frank: So before you’re out on the streets like so many Somalian refugees, ask yourselves ‘If Patrick is taking the house, what are we taking? Copper pipes.’
Jimmy: The Gallaghers are survivors, right? We can do this.

Karen: He took all my money and tried to sell me to a sheikh from Yemen. But anyway, I’m home now.
Lip: The guy in New York — did he really take your money?
Karen: You think I would lie about that?
Lip: Why not? Make everyone feel bad for you… lower their guard… poor Karen, back home with her tail between her legs.

Sheila: Hymie’s gone and with Karen and Jody here, it’s kind of a full house.
Frank: Do you want me wandering the streets just as Old Man Winter winds his way down from the frozen north?

Fiona: Mandy, she’s 13. She’s not working a bedroom at the Mustang Ranch.

V: Is Lip getting serious about Mandy Skank-o-vich?

Jeremy: We must take back the word retard.
Mrs. Kandage: Sweetheart, the rest of us find the word offensive.
Jeremy: I’m not your sweetheart, bitch.

Frank: Ever try Sterno?
Christopher: I love Sterno.

Sheila: We will not be intimidated by normies.

Frank: Never let it be said that Frank Gallagher outstays his welcome.
Kev: He’s gonna turn you into a zombie sex slave.

Fiona: You’re kicking us out?
Off. Tony Markovich: He says you tried to kill him…. There’s a toxicology report from the hospital. He says he won’t press charges if you move out tonight.
Debbie: But Patrick loves me!… Patrick gave me candy and then he got in bed with me and touched me in my nice places.

Christopher: I’m sorry that I freaked you out. I’m not very good with people.
Frank: Wait, wait! You’re not going to stuff me or drill a hole in my head?
Christopher: What?
Frank: Your interest in me is not of a perverse or sexual nature?
Christopher: No, no. I mean, if you’re saying you want to have sex with me, I guess I’d do my best.
Frank: What’s for dinner at your place?
Christopher: Ribeyes.
Frank: But we stop at the liquor store and you’re paying?
Christopher: Anything you want.
Frank: Let’s go… Clingy is a walk in the park.

Sheila: Karen, you told me you came home to be with Hymie. But you told the Wongs to come take Hymie. Why would you do that?
Karen: I missed you, mama… Everything was better before Hymie came along. Just you and me. I wanted us back. I love you.