Retro Rumble Recap: Celebrity Apprentice 4, Finale Part 1

In the first part of the season finale of “Celebrity Apprentice,” not only do three former Celebrity Apprentice winners make an appearance, most of the fired apprentices return to help.

Picking up from last week after Star Jones got the gate, Meat Loaf emerged triumphant and Marlee got so uptight, she shed alligator tears, Donald Trump pops by to tell the contestants that three former winners of past seasons of Celebrity Apprentice are coming by and he really respects their opinions. They are going to help narrow down the four remaining contestants to two. And surprise, it’s going to happen right away. The four contestants can’t believe they’re going right back into the firing range, but Lil Jon says he’s ready for anything they want to bring: “The epic battle continues,” he proclaims.

We next see Joan Rivers, Piers Morgan and Bret Michaels telling Trump there are two clear favorites, but they can see the other two winning so it will be a tough choice. Then they show the actual interviews:

Country singer and songwriter, John Rich goes first. Piers Morgan wants to know right off which contestant Rich would chuck under a bus. He picks Meat Loaf. Marlee Matlin can go under there too because she’s hasn’t done anything except raise money. Joan wants to know what he has done, and Rich brags about his writing abilities. This fails to impress Piers who says: “Without the writing, what are we left with?” Rich points out his organizational, leadership and decision-making skills. Bret Michaels grills him over whether his friendship with Lil Jon might be a weakness. The bottom line for John Rich is his charity and if he has to cut a friend’s throat to win Celebrity Apprentice, he’s down with that.

QUOTE ROUNDUP: CELEBRITY APPRENTICE 4 (MAY 15TH)

Rapper, Lil Jon comes in next. Bret Michaels compliments him on his coolness but wonders whether this can be a weakness as well. Lil Jon says he clawed his way up in the music business and he’s anything but weak. Joan Rivers wants to know who he thinks the final two should be and why. Lil Jon says John Rich and Marlee. Piers calls him a loser. “I’m not a loser,” he says and explains that winning money for his charity was his major goal. He accomplished that but he recognizes that Marlee and John raised the most money. Representing the hood to prove that rappers aren’t ignorant drug addicts was his second goal.

Joan Rivers asks Meat Loaf if he felt that his age was an asset or a detriment, being the oldest of the top 4 finalists. Meat felt it was an asset and he came “locked, loaded and ready to go,” with more energy than anyone else. Piers Morgan brings up his tears and high-strung emotions but Meat Loaf feels these are are assets too. Piers thinks not. “You’ve got anger management issues … you nearly beat up Gary Busey … and you cry too much.” Bret Michaels squeals that John Rich and Lil Jon “threw him under the bus.” Meat Loaf calls Lil Jon “creative but lazy” and says he never heard of John Rich before this show. “The question was asked who do you think is the biggest celebrity here,” Meat Loaf points out, “and I said ‘I am.'” Piers marveled at this arrogance, but Meat Loaf said it was being truthful, not arrogant. Well, they should give him that, ya know. It is true! John Rich and Lil Jon can only dream about “Bat Out of Hell” type sales.

Marlee Matlin impresses the panel with her confidence in her abilities despite her deafness. Marlee signs that she can do anything despite what other people think. Piers can see the advantage in being deaf on Celebrity Apprentice, but she still has one weakness, the one John Rich pointed out — the only thing she was good for was raising all that money and she admits her fund-raising resources are tapped out.

Marlee is in luck when Trump tells the panel that fund-raising isn’t involved in the final task anyway. The panel tells Trump their consensus but we don’t see that. The final four enter the boardroom to find out who the final two will be. Despite the recommendations of Morgan, Rivers and Michaels, Trump asks each contestant to pick two people as if they were him. They all pick themselves and John Rich except, of course, John Rich. He can’t pick himself twice so he picks Marlee Matlin.

It doesn’t matter what they think anyway, because Trump fires Lil Jon for not picking himself when he spoke to the panel. Meat Loaf gets the axe, too, for being both a wild man and a crybaby.

The next day, John Rich and Marlee are tasked with launching a 7-Up Retro ad campaign. They have to design the packaging and in-store display. They must create and produce a commercial for 7-Up Retro and plan an event to celebrate the product’s launch. They will choose from two themes: the 70s, working with the Harlem Globetrotters; or the 80s, working with Def Leppard. 7-Up is kicking in $100,000 — $50,000 to each contestant’s charity to honor their accomplishment in getting this far in the contest. The winner will get an additional $250,000.

Donald Trump then says that all the fired apprentices wanted to come back, but he only got La Toya Jackson, Richard Hatch, Mark McGrath and Star Jones, and Lil Jon and Meat Loaf didn’t have to go far. They are right back in. Marlee gets first crack at the theme and chooses the 70s. John gets first pick of team members and his first pick is Lil Jon. Marlee then picks Meat Loaf because he is the 70s. John picks Mark McGrath next and Marlee takes Richard Hatch. Left with a choice between Star and La Toya, John Rich goes with Star. La Toya goes to Marlee by default.

Team Marlee

The brain storming session doesn’t go too well, especially when Meat Loaf wants to be dressed in a fairy costume. That gets nixed but again, Marlee lets Meat Loaf take over the creative tasks despite trying to blame last week’s failure on him taking over. A disco ball and a boom box are two things Meat Loaf wants badly, but Marlee sends him and La Toya shopping so she can lose the boombox. When Meat Loaf returns, he thinks they are missing the mark on that one.

They also come up with a tag line “7 Up, Feel the Love.” Another inspiration is to get the 70s and 80s star of 7-Up commercials, Geoffrey Holder, to work with them. Geoffrey is in.

Ivanka is concerned that Marlee needs to be able to rein Meat Loaf in so he doesn’t dominate everything, but they can make good use of his creative powers.

Richard Hatch has major reservations about the corny script Meat Loaf is coming up with. They dress him up in 70s garb, complete with a blonde afro that Richard admits is not that far off from what he looked like in the 70s. La Toya is dressed up in a Wonder Woman get-up, a popular TV series in the 70s with Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. Meat Loaf is like a bat out of hell and he’s even got his dashboard light in there, so we can remember “Paradise.”

Team John:

John Rich’s team doesn’t indulge in as much dissension and weirdness, and they quickly come up with their tag line: “7 Up, Keeping it Real.” They come up with a killer concept for their 7-Up can, a zebra print that screams 80s.

Ivanka is impressed with their organizational skills when she drops by.

They also come up with a plan to get an 80s icon. They consider Pauly Shore, Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. They decide on Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider. Dee is game but there’s one snafu. He’s in “Rock of Ages” on Broadway where he cannot shave off his mustache without the producer’s permission. Team John is elated when Dee calls back and says he can do it.

The impression we’re initially getting was that Team John was gonna kick butt. But they run into a big problem with Def Leppard’s manager and the preview suggests that the 70s superstar British heavy metal rockers don’t even show up.

Tune in to Part 2 of the finale of Celebrity Apprentice 4 next Sunday, May 22nd at 9 ET on NBC. In the meantime, check out the killer cans designed by John and Marlee, already being promoted by 7-Up and will only be available for a limited time. Make yours a Retro Uncola.