Dionne Warwick Fired. Pink Slip for a Legend

Well, the men won for the third straight week on “Celebrity Apprentice” with a highly creative and slightly risky 30 second commercial for the ACN video phone, in the March 27 episode “Off the Hook.” Lil Jon headed up Team Backbone. The United Methodist’s Children’s home will receive $40,000 as a result of the men’s win.

It was a really close vote, made by 450 of ACN’s top leaders, right after seeing both commercials — 53% for the guys and 47% went for the ladies.

NeNe Leakes was the project manager for Team ASAP. Donald Trump said he saw her on television the other night and she was brutal. “Well, I hope I can be brutal on Lil Jon,” Nene said. But it’s not about being brutal, it’s about being original, kid, and you gals just don’t know the meaning of the word.

First, the women were going to employ Dionne Warwick’s singing talents, in a business setting, but changed their minds, thanks in large part to Star Jones, the real project manager. They went instead with Marlee Maitlin’s plan to tug on the old heartstrings with a deaf mother, using the ACN video phone, who is able to connect with her foreign exchange student daughter in France via — you guessed it — sign language. Gotta work that in every week. After all, who will be impressed with one of the greatest voices of the 20th century? They decided to employ Dionne’s voice in the commercial, saying “bonjour” as the French host mother.

Jose Canseco suggested “communicating with aliens in a very positive way,” but that was quickly tossed aside for “Tommy Gets Engaged” where a son is in Argentina and tells his parents about his engagement via the ACN video phone. This was hilarious, especially when the fiance was Jose Canseco as a gay man. It was hip and, as Lil Jon said, absurd, and also relevant to current issues.

But what really must have tipped the vote in the men’s favor was Lil Jon’s message that the commercial would go viral. Remember, these were top company leaders voting. Viral commercial equals viral sales.

Now, for the rest, bear in mind that Donald Trump already knows who won when he enters the board room.

Donald tries to keep the teams on tenterhooks, while praising them both for the closeness of the competition. NeNe Leakes broke down in tears while observing the confidence and unity the men were displaying.

Oh, if only NeNe could have been a fly on the wall. We viewers know the men squabble and carry on just as much as the women, if not worse. The difference is they are smart enough to put on a united front in the boardroom. When Donald Trump asked her why she was crying, NeNe claimed winning meant so much to her on a personal level because her charity was for abused women. Marlee, LaToya and she were all abuse survivors. She seemed to beg Donald to let Team ASAP win, but he can’t if they didn’t win and they didn’t. “But you don’t know the result yet and you may have won,” Donald said, “In all fairness.” Why does The Donald hold out false hope like that when he knows who won?

When the men learned of their third triumph, off they went to watch the ladies square off on a closed circuit TV. NeNe made complaints about La Toya Jackson and Hope Dworacyzk’s lackluster contributions. You can hardly call La Toya shy and you can see she knows she’s Donald Trump’s pet. She defended herself saying “I do what’s delegated and whatever else needs to be done.”

Dionne was called out for leaving to go to bed. “I don’t care if she’s a legend,” NeNe Leakes said when that happened (behind her back) and thought that the 70-year-old superstar should have stuck around, even though Dionne was not needed there. If Dionne had been a fly on the wall, she undoubtedly would not have said NeNe was a “superb” project manager. But with NeNe and Hope naming her as the one who should get booted out, Dionne chose to go the Niki Taylor route and agree she should be fired.

“May I just say this is endemic of one of the reason why I think we lose? This is about charity, and I just cannot imagine walking in here and saying to you: ‘you can let me go,’ without having accomplished the reason that I came here,” Star chimed in, leading Donald Trump to tell Dionne: “You know, in a way you’re quitting.” Then he asked the legend if she had a chip on her shoulder.

Dionne said that wasn’t so. she was merely acquiescing to the will of the project manager because she didn’t want to be the loose cog, gumming up the works.

“I don’t give a crap what NeNe says.. I’m making the decisions,” Trump said.

“Then I don’t want to go,” Dionne replied, “I want to stay right here with you.”

“But you know, honestly, it’s too late” Donald said, “You did the wrong thing. Dionne, you’re fired.”

At least he said honestly in the end, because the way that went down was anything but honest. It was as fake as the tan on Donald Trump’s orange cheeks, or is that just our TV?

As Dionne left, NeNe hugged her. Dionne pointed her finger at NeNe and said “You’re a coward, baby.” The ladies then sparred over why Dionne felt that way.

“She looked me in the eye and she challenged me to fire her, and nobody gets away with that,” was Trump’s parting shot.

“Oh, bullshit, dad,” Ivanka should have said, “Two minutes ago you said she was quitting,” but the dutiful Trump offspring really said “I agree.”

Tune in to ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ next Sunday to watch Meatloaf threaten to put Gary Busey in the hospital in the “Meatloaf Meltdown.”