Tia Carrere Throws Herself on the Knife

What did we tell you? We figured Lou would do okay and the title of the 5th installment of Celebrity Apprentice 5 (I’m Going to Mop the Floor With You) kinda gave away who won when you found out it was the slogan for the men’s team, don’t you think? And especially if you were expecting the men to win anyhow, which we were after two straight losses and losing three team members.

Besides, it was time for the Hulk to be vindicated, after all the Lou Ferrigno-bashing. In the beginning of the show they played a clip from last week with Lou telling Tia Carrere that they need to step up, or they would be out the door. So Tia stepped up to be project manager too, although Aubrey O’Day felt compelled to share why it wasn’t her.

I’m not stepping up to be project manager this time because this brand has been around for 100 years, just like Tia, so I think that she’d be best for this ~ Aubrey O’Day

The project was to put together a “viral” video to showcase an O’Cedar mop. Paul Teutul didn’t even know what that meant and although they did explain it to him, nobody bothered to explain that it’s pretty hard to plan a viral video — even if it does star the Hulk.

The men have been continuously annoyed, to put it nicely, with Lou always wanting to display his “strong” points, literally. We have been continously baffled by this attitude toward him. It’s okay for Penn Jillette to display the talents he is well known for, like eating fire, so what’s the problem? They agree to let Lou handle this project and to be the star of the video but Penn is less than enthusiastic. Clay Aiken, Arsenio Hall and Paul Teutul want to win so if that means giving Lou their full support, then that’s how it’s going to be and Clay Aiken particularly thinks it sucks that Penn doesn’t want to go with the flow. Once Paul Teutul came up with that slogan – I’ll mop the floor with you! — they had it made in the shade. And their video wasn’t half bad with Lou as a housewife.

… Penn is a raging bull in a china closet — almost like a devil! ~ Lou Ferrigno

The ladies decided on a sexual double entendre theme revolving around the catchphrase “what’s your number?” meaning mops, not men, but you were supposed to think, “my, how clever,” There was the usual bickering and marginalizing and outright hating targeting Dayana Mendoza. Aubrey O’Day thought Dayana’s ideas were so horrible, they were going to make her deaf in one ear. Hilariously, Lisa Lampanelli, of all people, thought Dayana’s script was too raunchy. And then there was the peonies highlight (Tia, do you want peonies?). Dayana’s accent makes it sound like she is saying penis.

Dayana is as useless as tits on a bull …. this is bullshit! ~ Lisa Lampanelli

The ladies’ video was quite entertaining except that they got so carried away with their cute idea that they forgot the video was about the mop and the product didn’t show up until the middle of the video. That cost them.

But first Donald Trump put the guys through their paces, making Lou name two people he would bring back if he lost. He named Penn Jillette and Paul Teutul. How do you like that? Paul comes up with the most fantabulous slogan anyone could think of and he gets nominated for the ax. Penn was called on the carpet for his “condescending” and “superior” attitude and how he thinks everything is a bad idea unless it’s hisidea. It was moot issue, since Team Unanimous won. Halle-Lou-jah!

In the boardroom, most of the women got on Dayana, bringing up anything they could, even the script Lampanelli thought was too over-the-top, even though it wasn’t used. Aubrey totally disrespected Tia, saying Tia was so much older than her and had something like 30 years more experience. Well, not exactly. Aubrey is 28 and Tia is only 45. Learn to add, Aubrey. Aubrey did have a legitimate gripe that Tia turned down her idea and then accepted the very same idea when Lisa proposed it, but even so, at this point, you just want to kick Aubrey and her b-a-d attitude to the curb.

Not Tia: “… if I throw myself on the knife, as it were, take one for the team… because I was the clearing house for info, I was the final say, I approved everything and I was the task leader — if I do that, will you fire another person on the team as well?” she asked.

“No,” Trump said.

“OK, then I have to take responsibility,” she said.

“Then Tia, you’re fired,” Trump said. “Thank you very much. Go ahead. Get out.”

The men thought that Tia would not have otherwise been fired and could have gotten rid of Aubrey or Dayana, but Tia revealed that she was glad to be outta there, and felt that she left with her head held high.

Team Forte is now down to Aubrey O’Day, Teresa Guidice, Patricia Velasquez, Lisa Lampanelli, Debbie Gibson and Dayana Mendoza. The first two have not been project managers yet. Lisa and Patricia lost their challenges to the men.

Team Unanimous is down to Arsenio Hall, Dee Snider, Clay Aiken, Penn Jillette, Paul Teutul and Lou Ferrigno.