Shameless Recap: Face It, You’re Gorgeous

Episode 6 of Shameless’ Season 9 was primarily about Ian going off to the big house while Fiona’s world came crashing down all around her. The episode title was a line from a commercial starring alcoholic Jen Wagner, Lip’s first sober companion gig.

Kelly has a black belt in krav maga. ~ Carl Gallagher

Most of the Gallagher sibs offered to keep Ian company on his last day of freedom, but Ian said “I’m about to spend the next two years of my life in fight-or-flight mode. I just want one last day where I feel safe and relaxed.” Carl’s new girl, Kelly, came over to teach him some martial arts moves and Ian asked the two of them to teach him some moves, too. Joselito, one of the inmates Ian helped during his last stint in prison, sent Antonio over to give him an in-depth safety orientation on Beckman Correctional. Fiona was supposed to drive him to the prison the next morning.

To be honest, I smelled mold in there ~ Fiona Gallagher

Ford and Fiona started out looking at a $3,000 a month apartment. Ford was over the moon with the inglenooks, lead windows and southern exposure and perfectly willing to cover 2/3rds of the rent. Fiona reluctantly gave in but then she learned that she had to pony up another $25,000 to the Sunset Brook project at a meeting with Max Whitford and the other investors. That’s on top of the $100K she already invested. So she wanted out of the lease she and Ford signed and the mold thing was the excuse she gave him. Ford got really pissed off, claiming she just didn’t want to take their relationship to the next level and stormed off.

Her next move was to try to get out of the partnership and she lied to Max that she had her sights on another business opportunity. Tough luck, Max informed her. There was no way out– the money was already invested. She went to the bank to try to borrow the $25K but was turned down. All this silly drama ensued where Antonio offered to get her the $25K by unspecified illegal means. She declined, then considered stealing the cash from Patsy’s safe. She resisted. All she has to do is find someone to buy her interest for $75K. But that didn’t occur to big deal-making wannabe tycoon Fiona.

She got drunk and cried about her problems to Johnny, who just had his car repo’d and was getting kicked out of Section 8 housing with his mom. When Johnny tried to kiss Fiona, she suddenly remembered that she had a boyfriend that she needed to apologize to. Ford was not home and it was 3 a.m. by now. She tracked his cell phone down and when she found his truck in the driveway of a house, she rang the bell. The woman who answered turned out to be Patty, Ford’s wife in Chicago– not Patty, Ford’s mother in Ireland, as he originally told her. Their son, little Fordie woke up, too. Fiona was all sorts of blown away while Ford tried to explain that he and Patty stayed together for the kid and were getting a divorce. Fiona jumped in her car and promptly crashed it into another car. Ford and Patty came running. Fiona was bleeding but she got out of the car, told Ford not to touch her and hauled ass down the street. So Ford is a bigger liar than Fiona. Hopefully, Fiona will sober up and cut all her losses next week.

In the end, Fiona never made it to drive Ian to prison and Kev took him with his other siblings in tow. None of the kids he helped before he became “Gay Jesus”, like Geneva, showed up. After being processed and put in a cell, he turns around when the cell door opens to meet his new roommate. It’s Mickey Milkovich, who rolled on the cartel and got to choose where he would serve his time and, apparently, his cellmate too. Improbable as that may be, surely it made the Gallovich fans as happy as the Ford and Fiona breakup made some others.

Everyone Else

In other storylines, Lip babysat Jen Wagner, TV actress and cosmetics spokesperson who deals with life’s pressures through the fake security of demon rum. When Lip takes over for Barney, she tried every trick in the book to get some hootch, from colluding with the waitstaff to bring her a double and pretend it’s alcohol-free to offering Lip a free feel of her boobies for a drink. Ultimately, she finds sober comfort and security in the ghetto, chowing down on White Castles and shooting the breeze with the Gallaghers. Is this going to be a new line of work for Lip or will he go back to the motorcycle shop?

Frank went to the mental ward to await the release of Ingrid Jones, who turned out to be some kind of doctor. Ingrid is only koo koo when she is off her meds and claimed not to know Frank but he followed her home and tells her how much he likes her wild side. Amazing, as always, to see someone open the door to find Frank Gallagher standing in the doorway and they don’t say “Ewwwww!!”

Kev and Veronica had to go see Father D’Amico after Amy brought one of their sex toys to school for show and tell. The priest gave them a very detailed account of his sex life before he took Holy Orders. They decided to throw out all their sex toys and this was the laugh out loud moment of the episode when they threw them off a bridge right behind where Fiona and Johnny were talking and drinking.

SUPPORTING CAST OF FACE IT, YOU’RE GORGEOUS