Secret Life: To Begin With … Amy and Ricky Are Married

Well, in the June 11th episode of Secret Life, Amy and Ricky finally tie the knot — only you don’t get to see it. They come out and get in the car all lovey-dovey and kissy kissy happy as their entire relationship passes before your eyes. How lame is that?

George is the only one who knows about it. Anne calls to say she is lonely and feels ostracized because no one is calling her. George says no one talks on the phone anymore. They text. She would like Amy and/or Ashley to come down and be with her in her time of and the best George can do is promise to ask Ashley who doesn’t want to go because she has plans to shack up with Toby.

Nora shows up to babysit John so George can take Kathleen on a date and she is suspicious that Amy and Ricky have eloped. She busts in on Ashley and Toby and, seriously, we know Nora has issues, but would you let that little brat Ashley speak to you that way if you were a grown woman? But Ashley evidently doesn’t have a monopoly on being rude.

Adrian has finished high school and guidance counselor Katelyn is happy to give her the diploma so she can go off on her well-earned vacation. Adrian was expecting quite a bit more fanfare. When she clears out her locker she notices Omar’s picture on the inside and rips it down. Ben is under Omar. She rips that one down and tosses it away, too. Ricky is the last man standing and Adrian gets ideas calling his picture “cutie” and saying she’ll see him in a couple of weeks.

Ben is still stressing over the school fire. He has the nerve to give Henry a hard time over sleeping with Adrian. Hello! You just slept with Alice. Henry leaves and Leo eavesdrops on Ben’s conversation with Dylan. He comes in afterwards and asks Ben straight up if he was involved in the fire in any way. Hello! He already knows the answer but Ben lies. We hate people who do that, Leo. Later he confides in Camille that he is sure Ben is involved and Ben eavesdrops! Leo says that Dylan is evil. He’s got that right!

Ben is really unhappy about lying to his father and wants to break up with Dylan. She’s not having that because she is going to Ben’s school next year now that hers burned down. She promises to tell her dad that they were there. Why don’t we believe her? Ben realizes that he is not as oblivious to rules and the law as she is. Dylan says they got in this together and they’ll get out of it together.

Grace moves back home and gives her mother and George the third degree. She calls her mother “Miss Mid-Life Crisis” and storms out! She has a private conversation with God in the guest house. “I’m not meant to be sinner,” she cries, “Forgive me, Lord, I have ruined my life with sex…” She reminisces on when she was the “hot virgin that everyone wanted to have sex with.” Then she had sex and now she’s just like every other girl. When Jack comes in, she declares that she is returning to church. He’s glad to hear it because his father’s flock is thinning out. She tells him that she is never going to have sex until she’s married. Jack has his own news. He’s going out with Daniel’s old girlfriend.

Upon his return home, George discovers Ashley and Toby in bed and is shocked to the bone. Ever the snot, Ashley says “What did you expect? We traveled across the country together.” Toby is so scared that George will hit him, he’s about to cry. Ashley warns him not to cry if he wants to keep doing what they’re doing. Later, Toby talks to George in the kitchen and tell him he loves Ashley. George blurts out that he paid for Amy and Ricky’s hotel room so they could elope and swears him to secrecy. Toby worries that Ashley will find out he knew and didn’t tell her. “You want to be part of this family,” George explodes, “You learn to keep a secret.”

Random character return: Adrian’s father, Ruben Enriquez, pays his daughter a visit to help make her high school graduation more special. She greeets him at the door with a baseball bat.