Secret Life: Big Regrets Little Recap

Well we can barely write a recap for Secret Life’s “Regrets” (August 20th) because of the disturbing coming attractions. Really! We knew Greg Finley, who plays Jack Pappas, was aging out of  Secret Life, but do they have to kill him off with a beating from a bat-wielding pimp? It would have been better if he had a  football accident, ending his career and scholarship, and he turned to drink or drugs and was sent off to rehab or jail.  Hey that’s a social issue, too.  Not to mention wouldn’t a guy Jack’s size take that bat off that pimp and break it in two over his head?

But anyhow, to get up to date on what happened with the characters in this episode:

One of Dylan’s gang, Wendy, was yanked out of Grant High in favor of an all-girls school and the rest of them think they might be next but Dylan is confident she will stay right where she is, because she always gets her way with her spineless Pudding Pop parents.

Jack and Grace are interviewed by the local TV newsman who is only too thrilled to learn they did have sex a few years ago but are committed to abstinence now, a fact that Jack has no problem revealing on the air while Grace cringes. Her ex-boyfriend Grant, whom she also had sex with, lets her know what he thinks of her “chaste” reunion with Jack.

The ever present subplots, the Temptation of Clementine and Ben’s Soul Yearns for Amy were interspersed with Kathy wanting Ethan and not wanting Ethan, and telling Leo Boykewich what a nut Ben is before she finds out that he is Ben’s father. Kathy’s new friends deliver the message to Ethan that she would like to go back with him, but he says no. So they hit on him because they’d like to experience whatever little tricks he may have picked up in juvie. Ethan tells Kathy that having the baby will ruin her insides and she says she hates him and hangs up. Where is that father that is a head shrinker? These kid certainly need one.

Leo marries Camille and they announce their plans to adopt a little girl, heaven help her. Leo says they should have done this years ago. How on earth is that possible? He had no idea she was in love with him until after Ben told him when she quit working for him after 25 years.

George reveals to Kathleen that although he loves his children with Anne, sometimes he wishes he never had them. He didn’t put it like that, but that is what he said meant. He said he wished he picked up his socks, meaning that he and Kathleen would have never gotten divorced, in which case, none of his kids or hers would have ever been born. They may have had some other kids, but wow, he might have felt the same way about them. What an absolutely awful thing to say!

Adrian thinks Omar is going to move in with her, but not so fast, sweetheart — Omar wants to see a little more commitment on her part before that can be a reality.

Ann is planning the wedding of Amy and Ricky that the writers are trying very hard to convince us will never happen. It’s very tiresome. We imagine that by the time the next 3 years elapse, all kinds of dire events will befall every other Secret Life character except Amy and Ricky who will still be unmarried, while whoever is left standing plans their wedding.