Lisa Rinna Fired. Star and Dionne Gloat

By now, Lisa Rinna has probably re-watched the episode of Celebrity Apprentice when she got fired (March 13) and realized her mistake in trying to defend herself against the evil forces of Star Jones and Dionne Warwick, but it is hard to feel sorry for her.

Lisa seemed to think the fact that she did not really want to be project manager would get her off the hook if the project failed. She referred to this little detail throughout the entire show and even brought it back up when her butt was on the line. The teams had to totally create a children’s book and perform it as a play in front of a bunch of 4 year olds. NeNe Leakes tipped off viewers right off the bat that Lisa was being set up: “we knew she couldn’t handle it and figured it was the fastest way to get her out.”

On the men’s team, rocker Meat Loaf, took over project manager duties. The men had a few disagreements, like Jose Canseco getting pissed off that the fact that he wrote a best-seller was being totally overlooked when he tried to get country singer, John Rich, to change the word “nobody” in his song about “Not so Little, Jon.” According to Jose, if everybody was treating the kid in their book bad, that would include the teachers and that wasn’t realistic. He seemed to think that his 4 year old audience would make that fine distinction.

“Jose Canseco smashes baseballs. He does not write rhymes,” John Rich fumed.

The ladies squabbled over the theme of their book. It was going to be about a lion, which they decided to name “LaToya.” How original and such alliteration! Marlee Matlin wanted the lion to be deaf like her, but Dionne Warwick wasn’t having it. NeNe pointed out that no one could argue with Dionne: “It’s hard to have an argument with a woman that’s 70 years old because it just don’t look right. So right there Ms. Dionne has the upper hand on us. It’s nothing we can do about it. I mean, she can stay here to the end because nobody’s gonna say anything.”

Dionne did win that point and Star Jones wrote the story, later demanding that her name be placed on the cover page. When Dionne heard that she insisted it had to say “conceived by Dionne Warwick,” not just “written by Star Jones.” Lisa somehow managed to put her foot down against both of these self-serving conceits. No, we were not liking Star or Dionne for those unnecessary trouble-making demands.

From the beginning, we figured the guys were going to win, not just because the women won last week, but as the show progressed, the men seemed to have an advantage with their rhyming book. The ladies’ project seemed so iffy with saboteurs, Star and Dionne gumming up the works. Both performances turned out fairly well.

At the men’s performance, Meat Loaf put the kids in a joking mood by making them laugh when he told them his name. Gary Busey was a standout as a 5 year old, who made all the kids laugh when he came out on stage. The whole team was worried that Jose Canseco was going to screw up his lines, even Jose, but he did the best he could. The whole production really came to life when Lil Jon began performing a 123, ABC rap song. This was a later criticism of the men’s book by Marlee Maitlin who said her kids (she has 4, ranging in age from 15 to 7) don’t know what rap is. A little hard to believe, but even so, it was a rap about numbers and letters that kids could easily relate to.

The women’s performance also came off quite well, despite one last minute snafu engineered by Star Jones, who refused to sign off on the proof of the book when Lisa told her to. Star claimed that Lisa was setting her up for “plausible deniability” if the book bombed. “When you try to take down the queen, make sure you kill her,” Star said.

Lisa Rinna was too busy defending herself and warding off “knives and bullets” to notice the sly looks on Star’s face. One thing that did get screwed up was the size of the font in the women’s book, but that isn’t why they lost. They lost mainly because of the theme of the book, which fell on Dionne’s head. Lisa wanted the Donald to fire Dionne, although she didn’t bring up the theme as the reason. Lisa just could not think on her feet, something that a former attorney like Star Jones is much more skilled at. if it was us, we would have told Donald to fire Star right quick, then it might have been easier to make friends with Dionne after that But oh well, at least Donald Trump complimented Lisa profusely on her lip reduction.

Star tweeted her triumph: “Sometimes being the B$3-/h works for your strategy…but I admit…I was straight evil.”

When the men were told they won, Meat Loaf started crying. The 63-year-old singer and his team won $20,000 to help Painted Turtle, a charity that helps terminally ill children go to camp. The men’s book will be published and the proceeds will go to the same charity.