Lady Gaga MTV VMA Awards Monologue

Lady Gaga opened the 2011 VMA Awards dressed as Joe Calderone, puffing away on a lit cigarette and rambling about herself. She really doesn’t make an attractive greaser, but we sure the outfit was more comfortable to perform in than a meat dress.

As the camera panned around the audience, Katy Perry looked amazed at her heels in the shower joke, while Russell Brand just looked confused. Justin Bieber had a “Poker Face,” because, as we have noticed before, he knows that everyone will have something to say if he so much as twitches an eyebrow. LOL!

P-p-p-poker face! P-p-p-poker face!

Queen guitarist Brian May came out to join in Gaga’s tour de force performance of “You and I” and he strummed away as only he can strum. Gaga got up on the piano, threw beer all over the place, then evidently slipped on the liquid or something on the way down. But, as is her wont, she continued to sing. We see she is being compared to Ralph Macchio, but she looked like a demented West Side Story escapee to us.

Gaga needs to take it easy. She’s going to be in a wheelchair before long at this rate.