Jamie Anderson, Shoulda Coulda Woulda: Celebrity Apprentice

In the first task of Celebrity Apprentice (1/12/15), the teams had to create a 4-page fitness editorial that Cosmopolitan could feature in the “hot and healthy” section of their magazine and their app. The criteria was creativity, originality and overall presentation. On Team Vortex, The men’s project manager was baseball star, Johnny Damon. Olympic snowboarder, Jamie Anderson headed up the women on Team Infinity.

Team Infinity: Of course, fellow Olympian Shawn Johnson wanted to help put the athletic touch on things with Jamie, who thought natural beauty was the ticket. Reality stars Brandi Glanville and Kenya Moore were more mindful of being judged by the Cosmo bigwigs. They stressed glamor and sex. They got some male models to help make ads about toning up all the areas of the body that men loved to touch, then the fireworks began. Kenya was angry that Brandi was going to be a model and even more so, when Brandi didn’t want to show any skin. Brandi finally stripped down to the bare essentials. Vivica Fox and Kate Gosselin went on a shopping trip that took too long, pissing Jamie off. Leeza Gibbons was concerned that sexy and Olympic didn’t blend well.

Team Vortex: The men looked through old Cosmo issues to get a handle on the market they were creating for and didn’t waste any time on conflicting themes. Lorenzo Lamas was once again director. Geraldo decided that selfies were the way to go since he believes he personally created the trend when his selfie went viral. Terrell Owens came up with the slogan “Love Your Selfie Naked,” a diet plan and contributed some exercise moves with a fitness model. Johnny Damon and his wife, Michelle, posed for one ad while Ian Ziering suggested his wife’s pole dancing for fitness for another ad. Geraldo called Ian’s pole dancing ad “cheesy.” He said he didn’t really hate Ian. He just thought he was a “kind of a prick”. So he decided to upstage him by stripping down to his underwear and marching around with weights. Terrell and Lorenzo were aghast. Terrell thought Geraldo could’ve kept his pants on and Lorenzo didn’t think that a 71-year-old ass was going to appeal to the Cosmo demographic.

Both presentations went pretty well. The ads came out nicely but it was difficult to read the faces of the judges. In the boardroom, Ivanka Trump informed the Vortex men that the judges found the selfie concept incredibly good, creative and particularly relevant. They dug the first person writing style. However, “specific takeaways” for exercise and diet were lacking, leaving the reader without a clue on how to implement the ideas. The Infinity women were praised for their use of Cosmo buzzwords, but Leeza’s concerns were realized when a lack of cohesiveness cost the ladies the win. The men won.

That was a $20K victory for the Johnny Damon Foundation.

Jamie Anderson had a tough time coming up with two people to bring back and proceeded to make “the Kevin Jonas” mistake — bringing Kate Gosselin back when she did not deserve it. She blamed the loss on Kenya and Brandi for the divisive themes but only bought back Kenya. To make matters worse, Jamie then asked Trump if it was too late to bring Brandi in and get her fired. Well, right then and there, you knew that Jamie was a goner and she was indeed fired. That evens up the score with 2 wins for each team.

Also gone but not forgotten:

• Gilbert Gottfried
• Kevin Jonas
• Keshia Knight Pulliam