Dallas: J.R.’s Masterpiece Recap

The funeral episode of J.R. Ewing began with a much slower rendition of the Dallas theme song, slowed down to sound like taps as Bobby, Sue Ellen, John Ross and Christopher fly to Nuevo Laredo, Mexico to find out what happened to J.R. Bobby and John Ross are very angry in their interactions with the Mexican police woman. Bobby insists nothing with J.R. is ever what it seems to be and accuses John Ross of knowing why J.R. was in Mexico and not Abu Dhabi. John Ross demands to see J.R.’s body, and they have no choice but to believe that, however it went down, J.R. is really dead. Carlos Del Sol showed up, who you may recall is the father of the real Marta, that the late fake Marta / Veronica was impersonating in Season 1. He assured Bobby he would personally take charge of everything, find out who was responsible and escort J.R.’s body back to Dallas. We’re not going to go into whether that was odd or not – that’s what happened

Back on Southfork, Harris Ryland drives up when Emma is conveniently outside alone. He wheedles, wanting her to return home, saying he will “let” her visit Ann whenever she wants. “Let me?” Emma says, pointing out that’s the whole problem to begin with. Ann shows up and tells Harris to leave. He has no respect for what Ann wants so Drew shows up with a gun. We’re not going to go into how odd it is that anyone can just drive up on Southfork. This happens all the time. Hell, didn’t Ann get into Ryland’s home with a gun? In real life, though, we think rich folks have a lot more security.

As Bobby and Sue Ellen and the boys return, folks are gathering to greet them but Bobby is too pissed to even comfort brother Gary, who doesn’t know what to feel. Bobby excuses himself to go plan the memorial and funeral, while Sue Ellen sidles up to Gary and commiserates over love hate conflicts with J.R. and booze. John Ross goes to J.R.’s room to search for some clue and Sue Ellen tells him half the phone book wanted J.R. dead. She says she doesn’t see any reason to stop working Gary over and John Ross lights into his momma for being so callous. We’re not going to go into how this is the very same fellow who recently tried to sell his daddy out to Cliff, as much as saying he didn’t owe J.R. any loyalty.

At J.R.’s memorial at the Dallas Petroleum Club, business associates and famous people stop by to pay their respects. Lucy and Ray are there. J.R.’s most serious mistress, Mandy Winger, and J.R.’s second wife, Cally, awkwardly discuss their respective times with J.R. with Sue Ellen, who has risen to the level of the love of J.R.’s life. That doesn’t stop her from continuing her machinations with Gary. John Ross is still too angry to talk to anyone. Pamela shows up and tries to tell him how sorry she is but he rebuffs her, saying she only cares about herself. He storms off in a blind rage, although not too blind to notice little Emma getting stoned in a storage room. He walks in there and grabs her medication bottle (Clonazepam, a drug used to treat epilepsy and panic disorder). He pops one in his mouth on top of the alcohol he’s been sucking up, without saying so much as boo, gives her back the bottle and waltzes off.

Cliff Barnes shows up to say good riddance to J.R. and threatens to destroy the Ewings now that their “junkyard dog” is gone. Pamela prevails upon her father to go home with her and he does, but not before reminding Bobby about the time J.R. said he’d dance on Cliff’s grave. A cowboy type takes up the cudgel and calls J.R. a “prick.” No Ewing gathering is complete without a brawl and after one breaks out, the Ewing boys are feeling much better. John Ross can even smile.

Back at Southfork, Ann begs Bobby to let her share what he is going through and Bobby lets her have it. This was, in our opinion the most believable and best part of the episode. The dam breaks and all the anger and anguish Bobby has been holding in rushes out over the secrets Ann kept from him through seven years of marriage.

Emma comes across John Ross gazing out over the fence and takes a big drink of his bottle with a come hither look. He goes thither to the backseat of the nearest vehicle and they have at it. With Pamela, it was revenge sex. With Emma, we figure it’s panic disorder sex.

Sue Ellen finds herself alone with her letter in J.R.’s room and J.R.’s decanter. She falls off the wagon which is wonderful, because it means we don’t have to see her struggle with the bottle for the rest of the episode.

At the Ewing cemetery the next day, Ray Krebbs gives the first eulogy, recalling how when he found out he was J.R.’s brother, he felt he’d never measure up to J.R. in Jock’s eyes. Lucy suddenly sees J.R. as honest, albeit brutally so. Gary thinks every step in his life had something to do with J.R. (well, Gary some of them had more to do with Abby Fairgate). Elena and Christopher share some childhood memories. Sue Ellen gets up and admits to drinking. She reads J.R.’s letter to her which is all about how much he loves her and wants a second chance. He asks her to have dinner with her when he gets back to Dallas. Yes, she says, yes, dissolving in tears and Bobby has to get up and escort her back to her seat. We guess that proves J.R. didn’t know his number was up, despite all speculation to the contrary. Bobby gives the final speech and the American flag is given to John Ross who stays behind after everyone leaves. Christopher lurks close by, concerned for his cousin’s mental state.

J.R.’s investigator Bum shows up and John Ross rudely asks him why he came. But Bum has come bearing lots of info. J.R. was searching for Bobby’s wife and Christopher’s adoptive mother, Pamela, in Abu Dhabi. Then he went to Mexico to get the goods on Harris Ryland because taking Ryland down was supposed to be his masterpiece. John Ross gets a box with a gun and a note that says if John Ross is reading it, J.R. is dead. The note instructs John Ross to destroy Cliff Barnes so Barnes and Ryland can’t take over everything the Ewings have. Bobby is given the last letter, the contents of which he declines to share. Instead, he speaks privately to Bum and instructs him to pay whoever he has to so it continues to look like J.R.’s murder was a random crime — for now.

Alone in J.R.’s room, it’s Bobby’s turn to hit J.R.’s decanter and use one of his initialed glasses. He knew J.R. would have one last plan up his sleeve and it’s a good one, he says, adding “I love you, brother.”