Shameless: El Gran Cañon

Yes, that was the title of the Season 3 premiere of Shameless (1/13/2013), but it was not a reference to a natural wonder in Colorado by any means. It was a reference to Frank’s unnatural wonder, a condition that came in handy when he needed to get his butt out of Mexico.

We pick up in the spring right around Easter-time. Jimmy (still aka Steve to some characters) has been living with Fiona. She has a $14.50 an hour gig literally shoveling sh-t while Jimmy has taken on the role of house frau, and there are things about this arrangement that are getting on Fiona’s nerves, breakfast popsicles in particular.

And she unloads her complaints on Kev (who is on crutches but totally buff) and Veronica. They are getting ready to play Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings on a pay-per-view webcam, with Sally as a dominatrix.

Sheila and Jody are having their problems with Karen’s baby, and it sure looked like Sheila has had enough of sleepless nights and Jody.

Sheila: Get your ass up, you goddam ponytail Fabio motherbleeper.

Sheila also gets a collect call from Frank from Mexico, after he tried Fiona who didn’t answer because her boss said it was probably someone pulling the Nigerian scam on her. Frank can’t even get his whole plight out – he just needs someone to send him a photo id. After Sheila ascertains it’s not Karen, she hangs up.

Debbie is the only one suffering the loss of Frank. She has Fiona checking hospitals every day. She created a memorial in front of the house, and even prays every night that Frank will come home.

Jimmy’s father, Ned is back messing around with Ian. Ned wants to give Ian a present, but the boy is reluctant to take it pointing out he has a boyfriend (Mickey, who is still in juvie). Ned says so what, he has a wife.

As for Jimmy, it’s all fun, popsicles, macaroni and cheese until the in-law shows up. Estefania’s father abducts him and brings him to her place where Marco has the misfortune to come out buck naked. Estefania’s daddy kills Marco while she goes ballistic. Jimmy had control of his nerves up till this point and things went from bad to worse. All Estefana’s pop wants Jimmy (Steve to him) to do is make sure his kid can stay in the country and that means they have to be married. He can still sleep with Fiona all he wants, but Steve has to remember that Fiona is ghetto.

Lip’s on a mission to win a battle bots competition and that requires a stolen laser from a community college With Ian’s help, they get away with the goods but Lip takes the heat and winds up back in front of the judge. He’s figuring on getting off light with community service. Mandy finds out Lip is a freakin’ genius when the counselor who wants him to go to college and then get a doctorate and then earn lots of money spills his astounding GPA. Lips beats the snobby rich kids bad, and wins $400 — a very good thing since Fiona got canned.

After a pep talk from Veronica, Fiona works up the confidence to put her last $1,000 down on a chance to promote a night at the club instead of paying the property tax bill. She didn’t even get a receipt!

Veronica: You’re a rockstar …

After hooking up with a Mexican border crosser, Frank is taken to El Cuchillo where they inspect his grand canyon and hook him up with a fake Jack Duncan passport and 18 eighteen drug balloons. There’s even room for one more. Frank crosses the border with not much more than some strange looks from the officer who can’t quite put together the scruffy Frank he thought needed some lice medicine and this cleaned up guy. He’s greeted by a pretty senorita with a whole box of Ex-Lax and then heads home.

Fiona: Frank is like scabies. You can’t get rid of him no matter how hard you try.

The Gallagher clan is having a family dinner when he arrives. As they slowly become aware of his presence, the table grows quiet. Finally, Debbie runs to hug her daddy while everyone else resumes what they were talking about.

Shameless Cast:
Emmy Rossum – Fiona Gallagher
Cameron Monaghan – Ian Gallagher
William H. Macy – Frank Gallagher
Emma Kenney – Debbie Gallagher
Jeremy Allen White – Lip Gallagher
Ethan Cutkosky – Carl Gallagher
Justin Chatwin – Jimmy / Steve
Harry Hamlin – Ned
Shanola Hampton – Veronica Fisher
Steve Howey – Kevin Ball
Joan Cusack – Sheila Jackson
Zach McGowan – Jody Silverman
Stephanie Fantauzzi – Estefania