Papillon Remake Dream Cast

We intended to go see Les Misérables (2012) today, but as Robert Burns put it, the best laid plans of mice and men go oft awry. Instead, we watched an oldie but goodie, 1973’s Papillon starring Steve McQueen as Henri “Papillon” Charrière and Dustin Hoffman as Louis Dega, two men sent to Devil’s Island who begin a friendship of necessity that turns into a true bond, but that is only one aspect of the story. It is in large part about breaking the human spirit, or not. And you can’t really watch it without recalling another phrase from Burns — man’s inhumanity to man.

Although considered a classic, you might allow that the 1973 film wouldn’t really hold much appeal to today’s audiences so we looked into whether or not a remake was being considered and several years ago, in 2008, plans to remake Papillon were indeed announced. Branko Lustig, the Hollywood producer behind Oscar winners, Schindler’s List and Gladiator, was planning to remake the film in the Canary Islands, with Robert Downey Jr. and Philip Seymour Hoffman said to be the chosen to play the Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman roles.

Well, obviously, that never got out of the egg and into the larva stage (a little butterfly humor — get it?). But we were like, HELL NO, anyway.

If Papillon gets a remake, you would have to put Daniel Craig in the title role. It would not be the first time he was chosen for his uncanny resemblance to Steve McQueen. And right about now would be good because Craig is only a bit older than McQueen was when the original was made. At 5′ 10″ he is also about the same height as McQueen, ya know.

Dustin Hoffman was 7 years younger than McQueen and also, at 5′ 5″, a lot smaller. We think Scott Caan fits that bill, being the same height as Hoffman and about the same age Hoffman was when the original was made.

Now you may not agree with us on this one, but we think Christopher Knight (yes, Peter Brady!) is a darn close look-a-like, if not a dead ringer for Don Gordon who played Julot.

Of course, we will have to give roles to any of the actors in the original classic who are still alive and want to lend their talents to an updated version, complete with graphic language and violence that could not get by the censors back in the day. Dustin Hoffman could play the guy who sticks his head out in solitary confinement and asks Papillon how he looks. It’s a very small part but, hey, it ain’t cheap to get Dustin Hoffman in your movie.

Anthony Zerbe (the original Toussaint) might want to be the Indian Chief originally portrayed by Victor Jory (who, incidentally, once portrayed Jean Valjean in 1953’s The Bishop’s Candlesticks).

Of course, this is all assuming that a remake will remain somewhat faithful to the original film. If you would prefer to go with a more truthful version of the life of Papillon, we can whip up a totally different cast, but still keep the graphic language and violence.

So whaddya say? If you were in this dream, how much would you invest in this remake?