Lisa Lampanelli Gets Mid-Evil on Victoria Gotti

This Sunday (2/26/2012), the Celebrity Apprentices were tasked with putting together a short show revolving around a medieval theme. Penn Jillette was the team leader for “Unanimous,” and Lisa Lampanelli headed up the ladies’ team on “Forte.”

Well, as soon as we heard that, we knew Victoria Gotti’s ass was grass if the women’s team lost! Lisa Lampanelli was on her last week. In the beginning of the show, Lisa said she was a little afraid (keeping up with the ongoing jokes of what Victoria Gotti might do to you if you get on her bad side  — the horse’s head, sleeping with the fishes, cement shoes …. aargh!!) For her part, Victoria let it be known that women will gang up on you faster than men – “quicker than a jackrabbit.”

Ivanka Trump was MIA this week and the Actor’s Studio, James Lipton took her place as a judge. The men were short one team member since Adam Carolla was at a wedding taking place at his house. Maybe one and 3/4, because we didn’t see or hear too much from Michael Andretti either.

The men put together what Penn called a “cheesy melodrama.” There was lots of drama with George Takei not following the script but that paled in comparison to Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider breaking his finger for real when it got caught under the horse’s saddle. The show must go on, though, so Dee stayed with it, broken finger and all. Knights Paul Teutel and Sir Lou of Hulk fought over a woman, and the woman was played by Dee as one ugly woman. Lou Ferrigno beat Paul Teutel for Dee’s hand but when it came time to kiss his prize, Lou opted to fall on his sword.

The ladies chose the theme “The Unreal Housewives of Camelot.” They fought over “the most coveted prize on the planet” — the gift of ye Olde Donald Trump’s mid-evil love. LOL. That was one of the things that blew Lisa’s mind about Victoria – she couldn’t spell medieval even with the stationery right in front of her. And the Sir Donald of Trump character was played by Lisa herself. Dayana came out in a nude bodysuit on a horse. Debbie Gibson sang and lost a sword fight with Tia Carrere who then lost the fight with Teresa Guidice. Sir Donald of Trump disqualified and fired Teresa who flipped the table over, and the rest of the women except Gotti, the all important creative director who forgot the trumpet flourish . Aubrey O’Day came out as Snooki. Lisa first said it was super corny, but after seeing Donald, Jr. laughing and the audience enjoying the performance, she said it was a really cute theme and they had a “bomb-ass script.”

In the boardroom, Trump put Penn Jillette on the hypothetical spot, wanting to know what two heads would be on the chopping block. Penn chose George Takei and Lou Ferrigno because they are actors, which pissed Lou off no end. The Donald got mixed up and called Lou “The Incredible Hunk.”

This was the second time George was hypothetically picked so you get the feeling that when the men do lose, he’ll be the first to go. James Lipton was impressed that the men didn’t take it for granted that the audience knew everyone and named everyone in the cast at the end.

Donald Trump, Jr. said the women’s performance was hot, but based on audience votes, the guys took the prize with 558 to the ladies’ 363. Penn won $40,000 for his charity, “Opportunity Village.”

Clay Aiken later sniped that Victoria Gotti was a better looking woman than Aubrey O’Day. And they said the women were catty! We suppose it could have been worse, he could have said Dee!

Lisa picked Victoria and Dayana to go back to the boardroom. Dayana seemed quite amused. She was told to “look pretty on a horse” but Dayana is far from being just a pretty face. She is poised and confident and perfectly capable of defending herself. But Victoria Gotti was on her own. When it came down to it, Dayana thought Lisa should stay. James Lipton did too. Lisa, he said, had P-A-S-S-I-O-N. Lisa threw Gotti under the bus big-time, insisting that Victoria’s giving it her all on Day 2 didn’t make up for her atrocious spelling and desire to switch teams on the first day, and Lisa didn’t exactly agree that Victoria gave it her all on Day 2 either.

So Victoria was fired and got on the elevator with poker straight hair. Either there was a curling iron in there, or she was so mad at Lisa it curled her hair because when she left the building that stuff was all curly. On her ride home, she pronounced that karma would come back to bite Lisa Lampanelli in the ass some day and the hair was straight as a board again.