Celebrity Apprentice 5: Season Debut Quotes

“We’re back,” Donald Trump, announced, ” … 18 celebrities, 18 egos, all fighting to become The Celebrity Apprentice.” And those 18 egos are:

Master illusionist and Vegas superstar, Penn Gillette; Pop icon, Debbie Gibson; Comedian and internet trailblazer, Adam Carolla; Miss Universe, Dayana Medoza; Late night legend, Arsenio Hall; Movie star and Grammy award winner, Tia Carrere; Rock star and Twisted Sister frontman, Dee Snider; the funniest woman in America, the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli; Star of American Chopper, Paul Teutel, Sr.; International actress and philanthropist, Patricia Velasquez; Best-selling author and Daughter of the Mob, Victoria Gotti; Indy car legend, Michael Andretti; the Original Supermodel, Cheryl Tiegs; American Idol superstar, Clay Aiken; hot star, Aubrey O’Day; the Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno; New Jersey’s favorite housewife, Teresa Guidice; and television icon, Star Trek’s George Takei.

We take no credit for the above descriptions and don’t even agree with all of it — this is the way they were introduced, folks.

The men rejected the team name “Honey Badgers” in favor of “Unanimous” and they picked Paul Teutel as their first project manager. Donald Trump explained that Michael Andretti would be taking his son, Marco’s place, because Marco lost a close friend in a tragic racing accident in Las Vega.

The ladies rejected “Prowess” in favor of “Forte,” pronounced For-tay, even though they didn’t use the accent mark. And they picked Patricia Velasquez as their first project manager.

Their first project was to make and sell celebrity sandwiches.

Here are some quotes from the premiere episode:

Donald Trump:
It’s gonna be cutthroat, it’s gonna be crazy, it’s gonna be fun.
It’s always really bad to be the first one fired.

Adam Carolla:
I’m playing for a charity called “White Kids without iPads.”
(Team Unanimous’ best sandwich) Ours is named after the great poet, Maya Angelou.
(Team Unanimous’ real best sandwich) It’s called The Senior Chopper.

Arsenio Hall:
In late night, I always approached it striving to be No.1. Losing is not an option.
I don’t like the Gotti woman already.
(Team Unanimous’ best sandwich) It’s called ‘I Rise.’
I don’t see Lisa Lampanelli arm on they box.
A sammich is better than a sandwich.

Aubrey O’Day:
We first started deciding who was the most recognizable. I wasn’t discussed. I’ve been part of double platinum girl group Danity Kane and the reality is they can run circles around those people here. So them underestimating me probably isn’t the best idea, because out of all the women on this team, I have the most twitter followers.

CHERYL TIEGS – FIRE AWAY!

Cheryl Tiegs:
I don’t know if this is right for me.
Yes, shy and quiet but a hard worker. I’ve built up 12 companies and I’ve worked since I was a teenager so I know about hard work.
Even though I’m a little teary-eyed, I’m actually happy because I don’t think that this environment was right for me. I’m certainly as intelligent as any of the women but there’s a toughness there that I don’t have and don’t ever want to have.

Dee Snider:
This way! Follow me to the promised land.

Debbie Gibson:
Wyclef’s walking in was so cool.

George Takei:
I am going to win. By George, I’m George Takei, dammit.
I don’t know how old Lou (Ferrigno) is now but what a treat … if I were that shape, I would be taking my shirt off all the time.
I was a little taken aback when he used that word meek. … I grew up in barbed wire internment camps.

Lisa Lampanelli:
Thank you for having me. It’s great to be the only black woman on the dais here. I’m very thrilled. Holler.
I think Takei’s got it coming.
(Team Forte’s best sandwich) We made several different types of sandwiches but this was our really big shot sandwich called ‘The Celebrity Club Internationale.’

Lou Ferrigno:
I’m still in great shape.

Patricia Velasquez:
(Who she would send back if she lost) I would say Cheryl and Victoria.

Paul Teutel, Sr.
They want us to go on Rachael Ray. Mr. Trump called and said ‘bring your best sandwich’ and he said it would be a considerable amount of money.
(on his biggest star) Penn. Anybody that’ll get out and stand on a podium and spit fire and juggle in front of people, I don’t think you could find anybody … and bring a lot of nice looking women too — that donated money.
(on his weak link) I think George and maybe Arsenio.
I think there’s a lot of strong personaltiies here, and I think he (George Takei) is just a meeker person by nature …
I raised $305,000 from one person.

Penn Gillette:
I run an incredibly successful business teamed up with Teller, and I will be the next Celebrity Apprentice.

Teresa Guidice:
I’m not afraid of anyone, so watch out! If you attack me, I’ll attack you right back.

Victoria Gotti:
You know you have to watch your back. I can make you disappear.
(after showing up late) I had a dream we won, so don’t worry about it.

Donald Trump:
Rachael Ray liked, Paul, your sandwich. She thought your presentation was better. More importantly, she thought the sandwich was more beautiful to look at. And better taste and better tang. She used words that I don’t use when I describe food, but the bottom line — $35,000 goes towards your total … congratuations, really a great job.
I love Diddy.
Cheryl, you’re fired.

Donald Trump, Jr.:
Patricia and Forte actually set a record for the first task of an apprentice, raising $126,962.

Ivanka Trump:
The men’s team did very well. They raised a total of $332,120. If you add the $35,000, that’s a grand total of $367,120.

Paul Teutel’s charity is the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Next week, “Trump gets medieval on their task” and with the ladies, it’s like the Housewives of Camelot.