Shameless Recap: Frank’s Northern Southern Express

Frank shepherded a group of potential deportees to the land of free health care, Canadian bacon and ice skates in Episode 8 of “Shameless,” Season 8 (12-31-17). Lip learned accidentally that Charlie was going to be a father again, only Sierra wasn’t the expectant mom. After an architectural tour with Ford, Fiona found out that he was going to be a father, too.

Anything’s possible– that’s why Canada’s called the New Land of the Free ~ Frank Gallagher

Frank had two groups of customers for his Northern and Southern Express: those looking to get into Canada in the backyard, and those wanting to buy cheaper pharmaceuticals in the front. He tasked Liam with rounding up “one illegal from each banned Muslim country” while he took drug orders. On the road, Frank cooked up a little game for each passenger to give his name, his country and something he liked. After a certain point, everyone had to walk to a spot where they could cross the border, while Frank extolled the virtues of their soon-to-be home. As they trudged along singing Justin Bieber’s “Baby” song, Fatemeh from Iran who likes jujeh (and was traveling with a goat) fainted. The would-be immigrants panicked when Frank took out a knife: “He’s going to murder us!” Frank used it to cut open her burqa, revived her and carried her on his back for the remaining 7 miles. Wow! Frank is in amazing physical shape for a guy who abused his body so badly that he had to have a liver transplant, ain’t he?

Frank’s Canadian contact, Pierre, gave him a bottle of Molson Canadian beer and took the group to a safe house. After Frank got his drug orders filled, he headed back to the States, put his take at $1,350 and gave Liam a measly $20 cut.

I’m sorry, did I just walk into an episode of Gossip Girl? ~ Barb

Lip told Brad that he had to sleep at the bike shop from now on and went out to meet a potential sponsor. He met Barb, a gay woman who didn’t want to hear about his troubles with Sierra, Professor Youens and Brad. Lip was offended when she told him that he was a classic co-dependent and he decided that it wasn’t a good fit. Another potential sponsor just wanted to talk about his own women trouble and another was an old man who couldn’t even hear.

Lip took Debbie to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test because she refused to believe the negative results she got from a whole slew of OTC tests. There he saw Charlie with a pregnant woman who looked like she was going to deliver any day. Charlie told Lip it happened before he got back with Sierra and he would tell her about it when the time was right. Lip almost spilled the beans himself when he saw Sierra sitting on the curb complaining that men were all a$$holes. She was upset because her father was up for parole. He was convicted of murdering her mother. Charlie was driving her to the hearing. Lip told Charlie he should tell Sierra during the drive to the prison. When they returned, Charlie still had not told Sierra and Lip threatened to do it. Charlie said it was none of his business. Sierra angrily told Lip to stop fighting with Charlie when she had to worry whether her father was going to come after her, her brother or her son if he was released. She told Lip to stay out of her life and deal with his own drama.

That certainly struck a chord. Lip went back to see Barb even though he had no idea how to separate his own problems from those of his friends. Barb told him the general rule is “their circus, their monkeys.”

I would look at it if I knew what a cornice was. ~ Fiona Gallagher

Fiona took a shower in her vacant apartment after finding Brad in the Gallagher bathtub. At the suggestion of Mel and Nessa, she was considering moving into the apartment because new faces kept popping up at the Gallagher homestead and Carl kept taking her car keys to run his Uber business. As she joyfully danced around in her underwear, she suddenly became aware of Ford’s presence. He came back to return her keys after fixing the door. Ford said he did some work at the Marion Mahony Griffin house and took Fiona out to show her the amazing architecture in Chicago that she had been passing by her whole life but never noticed. They finished up at the place he was hired to restore, where he was also staying. Ford asked her to lie down on his bed next to him. When she did, he directed her gaze to the decorated ceiling. After admiring the gold leaf painted design, Fiona was in for quite a surprise when she began kissing Ford and he didn’t respond. He claimed he didn’t mean to give her the wrong idea but she was “complicated” and he was not looking to get involved. Thoroughly unused to such rejection, Fiona left, refusing to let him drive her.

Later, at Mel and Nessa’s Happy Hour party, the ladies announced that they were both pregnant, and the father of both of their kids was primo sperm donor Ford, who also fathered several other children. Oh, and Nessa really did sleep with him. Ford said it was humiliating. She was hammered and laughed the whole time! Fiona needled him with “who’s complicated now?” She’d be smart to give this guy a wide berth after this. Who wants to get involved with a guy whose tenants are both carrying his kids, however they got in there? Jeez! We doubt Fiona can believe a man exists who can resist her charms, however, so we expect her to be like the proverbial moth to the flame that she has always been.

Woe to you, teachers of law and Pharisees, you hypocrites ~ Ian Gallagher

Ian found a new cudgel to pick up when he learned that Jamie, one of the shelter kids, had attempted suicide after his parents took him to a “conversion” church that was using the Bible to shame gays kids into going straight. He and Trevor went to the church. Ian confronted the pastor and threatened to beat up one of the parents. He took all the kids who didn’t want to be there to their building that they don’t even have an occupancy permit for yet. Any possibility of learning about the bigger issues Ian alluded to last week was dropped for now. Whatever those issues are, injustice is obviously the big theme here.

Sounds like you’re getting pushed out of the picture, Natasha. ~ Tommy

Kevin was enjoying his newfound power at home with Veronica so much that he decided it was time to stand up to Svetlana at the Alibi, too. He refused to clean up the glass that she broke in the ice cubes. Then he chased away Igor, her “new” Russian beer supplier. (Actually, Svetlana had been using this guy for a whole year). Of course, the Svetlana situation could never have reached this point if Kevin and V had not been so naive and trusting and, of course, now that they’re not, it doesn’t mean that Svetlana is going to roll over and fall in line so we’re fully expecting sparks to fly soon.

In other storylines

Carl evidently gave up the rehab business now that Kassidi is “All Carl’s.” Their relationship hit a bump in the road when she mouthed off to a passenger who immediately asked to be let out. Kassidi pretended that she was going to go back home because Carl didn’t love her anymore. In this relationship, love means always doing what Kassidi wants.

Debbie advertised herself as “Sexy Welding Girl” on Craigslist with some bizarre photos that she had Liam take of herself in some Playboy bunny looking get up with fishnet stockings. We didn’t like where that might’ve potentially led but she did get a job where she could take baby Franny, and she also got definitive proof that she isn’t pregnant when her period came back.