Shameless Recap: A Gallagher Pedicure

Totally mystified! That’s what we were about the Gallagher Pedicure title– in stitches, when we found out. By the end of it, Debbie was in stitches, too. Fiona enlisted Ford’s help to get her dog, Rusty, back after her misguided generosity to Rodney and his family backfired. Lip handled his fair lady’s problem like a true knight in shining armor, while Carl didn’t make out that well. There was even more on Episode 11 of Shameless, Season 8 (1-21-18). Let’s start with the two funniest parts, with some laugh out loud moments, for a nice change, but first: Congratulation to William H. Macy (Frank) for his 4th consecutive Screen Actors Guild award for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series.

Google “do you need your toes” please ~ Debbie

Debbie was in for a big shock when she learned that she was going to require reconstructive surgery on her three crushed toes. With a price tag of $50K that was simply out of the question. Her other option was amputating the toes but she didn’t have the $6-7K for that either. With her pain pills and a bottle of booze doing double duty as anesthetic and sterilizer, she enlisted the help of little brother, Liam, to cut those little suckers off. When the moment of truth arrived, Liam just passed out cold. Debbie promptly followed suit from all the pills and booze she ingested. Frank wandered in on this scene and took a look at Debbie’s toes. He picked up the cutters and chopped Debbie’s toes off– one, two, three! Frank sterilized a knife on the stove flame, lighting a cigarette with the burner’s flame at the same time (such a perfect detail). With the now sterile knife, Frank cauterized the stumps of Debbie’s former toes. She ended up in the emergency room telling the doctor that a pipe fell on them and cut them right off. He asked her if the pipe cauterized them too. OMG! Too funny for words!

I need to go humble myself before that slut Freelania ~ Svetlana

Kev and V accompanied Svetlana to the lounge of a ritzy hotel where billionaires ante up $18 for a beer. A good-looking rich guy offered Kev $4,000 for an hour with V, who didn’t really get a chance to consider it properly because the three of them got the boot due to the “strict no prostitution policy.” Svetlana decided that her best bet was to humble herself to Freelania, to learn how she landed her sugar daddy. Freelania was only too happy to show off all the luxuries her doddering old fiance was showering on her but she was not about sharing tips on the road to riches. “You were born a whore, you will die a whore,” she said, spitting back words that you knew Svetlana had once said to her. She literally spit on an expensive Gaultier gown that she was never going to wear, telling Svetlana, “I would give it to you now that it’s soiled, but you’re too fat to fit into it, so I will throw it away instead.” Freelania pranced off to talk to her caterer Alain. Svetlana called her an Ublyudok. Then, the sugar daddy toddled in, decked out in Depends, and told Svetlana to meet him at The Grill for dinner. A light bulb went off in Svetlana’s brain and the next time we saw her, she was dragging a wardrobe bag into the Alibi. “Jesus, what do you have in there? A dead body?” Kev joked. “I do not believe she is dead yet,” came Svetlana’s dead serious reply. Man, we will be sad if Svetlana’s plan is successful. Sure, she’ll be living in the lap of luxury but she won’t be on the show anymore.

If I see him hanging around your place, we’ll go to the cops and get a restraining order or something. ~ Lip

Sierra’s father, Norman, was granted parole and she must have found that out sometime after midnight because she showed up at Lip’s at 2 a.m. with little Lucas tucked under a blanket in her backseat. Lip took them in and the next day, she told Lip how she and her brother, Neil, saw her father beat her mother to a pulp when she was 10 years old. They testified against him and that must be why she didn’t go over to Neil’s. Lip offered to go to her place to get some of her things so she didn’t have to take any unnecessary risks. He got Sierra to show him a picture of her father and tell him what halfway house he was staying at. At work, Eddie sashayed in with a guy who had a black eye that she no doubt gave him. She gave him a big kiss goodbye and a parting slap on the booty. Lip asked her to take over while he handled Sierra’s problem. He went to the halfway house and taunted Walter, asking him if it was true that he likes to beat on women. Eddie’s niece, Xan, was close by filming the entire episode. “He swung first,” Xan reported, and Lip called the police. It was back to the pokey for Norman.

We will not be victims ~ Ian

Ian became involved in the issues between Blake, a 14-year-old runaway, and his family. Blake’s dad was trying to forcibly take him off the street. Father Murphy counseled Ian that Blake was a minor and they could get in legal trouble or harboring him. Excuse us. We were under the impression that a bunch of those shelter kids were minors. Anyway, the Orange Prophet mediated between the father and son. The father claimed he was okay with Blake being gay but not with him doing drugs and selling his body. Blake admitted to the drugs and prostitution but insisted his father was lying about allowing him to be himself. Moreover, he was given such powerful meds by the therapist his father sent him to that he couldn’t even get out of bed and that was all part of the evil plan to make him straight. Ian believed Blake so the next time the father showed up, Ian went into his gay God routine while his assistant set fire to the father’s van!

So you think you can get your roof fixed for $500 from a guy that’s got insurance? ~ Linc

After learning that Rodney and Trina are suing her for $6 million, Fiona went over to talk to them only to discover that the locks were changed and they had every intention of staying in her apartment with her dog, Rusty, now called Sparkles by Rodney’s tribe. Fiona’s generosity and helpfulness swiftly evaporated and she enlisted Ford to barricade them in the apartment and plugged up their toilet. They made a small opening in the wall so Fiona could get in and get Rusty but one of the Latham kids spotted her and Trina’s efforts to retrieve the pup were met with a kick in the kisser. Fiona also learned what may be the harsh consequences of her stupidity and her generosity. Linc laughed in her face when she wanted to know if he was insured. Her lawyer told Fiona that letting the Lathams stay at her apartment can be construed as an admission of responsibility in court. Why in the world is Fiona offering these clowns free rent and food for a year? Oh, right, she’s stupid.

They have their own jet, so we can fly there and then yacht around ~ Liam

Frank went around in the first half of the episode trying to collect social security under other people’s names. This was all so ridiculous, especially when he showed his real card and asked how much he could collect off the 6 weeks he had worked at a legit job. All we can say is why isn’t Frank trying to run an accident scam or try to get on disability? It’s not like that ain’t in his repertoire. (Remember when he had Carl break his leg?) In any event, Liam was invited to go yachting in the Caribbean with that rich kid, Dylan’s family. Frank insisted on meeting Dylan’s dad, who turned out to be a braggart who couldn’t keep his mouth shut about the millions he dropped on his collectibles. Obviously, Frank is going to pull that other card out of his repertoire– the grand larceny one.

I will never be okay with being away from you, bae! Never! ~ Kassidi

“The Newlyweds,” Kassidi and Carl, were very busy proving their love to each other at the expense of Ian and Carl’s rest when Kassidi got it into her head that she needed to learn about Carl’s life on the streets. Kassidi is that rare rich bird who wishes she was poor. LOL. At the end of their journey through the mean streets, Carl mentioned going back to military school to his former foster brother and Carl’s doting wife turned back into the psycho control freak she is. Carl promised not to go back to military school. Please do us all a favor and have Kassidi’s daddy send the men in the white coats over in the next episode.