Dallas: You Can Cut the Treachery with a Knife Already

By the end of the second episode of Dallas, “Hedging Your Bets,” the doublecrossers are piling up and even J.R. has been hoodwinked. It could have been titled “Everybody’s Not What They Seem.”

J.R. wants to talk to Marta’s father, Carlos, and also demands that John Ross get him a draft of the contract to buy Southfork ASAP. He is the one who is going to get the ranch, but John Ross has already told Marta that he will be the sole owner. Now he tells Marta that if J.R. talks to Carlos, they’re screwed. Marta says she has it under control. From his window, J.R. sees them in a passionate embrace.

After their marriage, Rebecca tells Christopher that they should postpone their Tahiti honeymoon until things gets straightened out. Ann reveals to Bobby that she knows about his cancer. Elena is reading over an email she thought she got from Christopher when they broke up, but he says he never sent it. She blames John Ross for sending it. John Ross denies ever sending it and when he realizes that she would have married Christopher if not for the email, he storms out with three angry words: “Screw you, Elena.”

Whole Lotta Screwing Going On:

John Ross is advised by a man he calls LaBell that he better cough up two million dollars by the Cattle Baron’s Ball, or Bobby will find out he’s been set up and J.R. will learn his own son is planning on screwing him over. This is the same guy who was with Bobby and his wife when they got served with the injunction from John Ross. He’s Bobby’s attorney! It gets worse when John Ross runs into Christopher at “his” bar. Christopher’s Bobby-like attempt to point out their family ties is met with rage. John Ross says, “We’re ain’t family, bro. I’m a Ewing, deep in my DNA. Everything I am, everything I’d die for has the name Ewing on it.” But his cousin calls BS. “You use the Ewing name to get what you want.” John Ross turns to leave and now Christopher goes off: “Maybe Elena believes you didn’t send that email, but I don’t so you better grow eyes in the back of your head, cousin, cause I’m coming for you.”

Sue Ellen lends Elena money to buy oil leases. She says she likes to think that if she hadn’t met J.R., she might have been like Elena. (Not hardly. Sue Ellen was a beauty queen when she met J.R.) And she invites Elena to the Cattle Baron’s Ball.

But the big surprise at the Ball is J. R. Ewing himself. After Sue Ellen gives a speech about how much money was raised for cancer, someone shouts out “When you gonna run for Governor.” Then Bobby first spots J.R. who is all sweetness and light. He even makes his son apologize to Bobby. Then he hobbles over without his walker to tell Sue Ellen she’s won. He says she’ll make a helluva governor and she’s still the prettiest girl at the Ball. Sue Ellen’s emotions are written are on her face. These love-hate relationships take a lot out of you.

J.R. then goes to talk to the man who demanded the money from John Ross, who gets there first and warns LaBell to keep his mouth shut. J.R. calls the man “Mitch” and has a threat of his own, if he doesn’t get those contracts soon: “You know, there was always one person you prized above all others, and I hate to hit a man below the belt, but you know I will,” and warns Mitch he will hold him responsible if the deal comes to a sticky end. “No hard feelings,” J.R. says and offer his hand, but Mitch walks away, fear written all over his face.

After the Ball, Marta drugs John Ross and video tapes their lustful adventures. He wakes up tied to the bed! She gives him $100,000 but says it will cost him. Probably more than he knows.

Oh, and did we mention that Rebecca has a hot brother named Tom? Through a cryptic conversation (as often happened in the original series), it is revealed that Rebecca and Tom have an agenda, but we don’t know what it is yet. All we know is that Rebecca is having second thoughts about it and Tom doesn’t want to hear it. If you know anything about Dallas, that spells revenge and these two have got to be the kids of someone screwed over by the Ewings.

In a cable car at the State Fair, a man asks John Ross if he knows the meaning of the Spanish word “peccadillo” — it’s the diminutive of the Spanish word for sin. He assures John Ross if there’s any dirt to be dug up on Mitch LaBell, he’ll find it. And John Ross also wants to know who sent that email. The man offers John Ross a Mexican proverb “It’s better to be old than the devil” as the scene cuts to J.R. in San Felipe, Mexico. Did J.R. send the email?

At the home of Marta’s father, Carlos, J.R. meets the real Marta, who he has not really seen since she was a little girl. “Marta,” he says, “I’m going to have to introduce you to my son, John Ross. He’s a chip off the old block,” and just how much of a double-crossing chip is written all over J.R.’s face.

Dallas Season 1 Episodes: 1 : 2 : 3 : 4 : 5 : 6 : 7 : 8 : 9