Californication: Kickoff Recap

Rick Rath throws a kickoff party for the premiere of “Santa Monica Cop” in Episode 6 of Californication (S7 – 5-18-2014). Hashtag Black, who will be playing the series’ title character, has heard of Hank (oh, yeah, the raper) and is a big fan of all Hank’s wrongdoings. He appoints Hank his “set bitch,” a position Hank doesn’t want and offers to arm wrestle Terry for. Rath invites one and all to his home for the kickoff party, reminding them there will be no having sex in his pool (right there, you know there will be).

“Holy TV Money, Batman”, Charlie Runkle exclaims upon his arrival at Rick’s ritzy chateau. Just then Julia and her juvenile man-child Levon arrive. Julia tells Hank that suddenly Levon has become more relaxed and confident and attributes it to Hank’s fatherly influence. She also says that Rath was a perfect gentleman on their date, almost too perfect. Stu Beggs is there with Nikki, the hooker that relieved Levon of his virginity. Heh! Julia will soon find out the real reason behind Levon’s confidence.

Prevailing upon Hank to help him change “Santa Monica Cop” into more of a comedy like “48 Hours,” Hashtag suddenly notices Julia and wants to “murder that ass,” a metaphor he has to explain. Rath is not pleased to find out Hashtag is interested in “his woman.” Levon (or Shrek as Rath calls him) shows up and asks Hank for money for a repeat performance with Nikki. Hank explains that Nikki is there with Stu, but the big baby storms off complaining that he should have stayed a virgin.

Goldie gripes to Charlie that Rath let Hastag call her a bitch. Since she is still sober, her vindictive rant evaporates into sweetness and light when Rath shows up. Charlie runs into Stu who makes him an indecent proposal: he’ll pay Charlie a million dollars if he will allow Stu to sleep with Marcy just once, for as many times as they can fit into a night. (It doesn’t work out, Charlie. Ask Woody Harrelson if you missed that movie!)

In the meantime, Hank has run into Amy, the female lead of the show, who promises to make it worth his while to have a talk with her. She gives Hank weed and wants him to convince Rick Rath to kill her character off. She also reveals that her best friend is Hank’s former bedmate, Sasha Bingham (until he schtupped her mother). Hank is perfectly willing to confirm what Amy heard from Sasha about his sexual prowess. Julia walks in on them while his head is up Amy’s dress. Amy makes a hasty exit.

Julia is about to go for a ride with Hashtag in his Bentley but Hank says it’s a bad idea — Rath is jealous. Julia says she doesn’t care about Hashtag or Rick. Their flirtatious banter leads to a tickling session on the bed that Rick and Hashtag burst in on. Julia throws cold water on their collective outrage and tells Hashtag that she’s not easily wooed, even with a Bentley. “I got a Ferrari,” an incredulous Hashtag says. She tells Rick that she is very grateful for the role he gave her but if it comes with strings, she can’t do it. Rick says there are no strings and the job is hers. Julia leaves and Hashtag demands that Rick fire Hank. As they argue, Hugh runs in to inform Rick that there’s f–king in the pool! Anndddd…

It’s none other than Nikki and Levon. Stu is shocked since he is paying good money for Nikki’s company. She apologizes but just wanted to make a little extra money. Levon assured her Hank would take care of it. Hank tries to avert what he sees coming but Levon blurts out the sorry truth. An enraged Julia slaps Hank in the face in front of everyone, then drags her naked son off.

Goldie attacks Rick and informs him that she is going to take the show away from him. “Have fun running this ‘Ship of Fools”, Rick says. Goldie demands that Charlie tell Rick he has disrespected her for the last time but he can’t. Goldie calls Charlie a pussy and asks if his suit comes with tampons. Hashtag busts out laughing and Goldie takes a wild swing at him for calling her a bitch. He tries to explain and she demands that Charlie do something. He agrees with Hashtag so she knocks Charlie on his ass! Then Goldie walks over to the pool and throws up. Um, yeah… the kickoff party is over.

As Hank and Charlie get in his car, Hank wonders how he can be in the doghouse over a woman he’s not even dating and why he even cares. Charlie wonders if Hank or Goldie still have jobs. Hank is sure Goldie doesn’t. Charlie burst into tears because he’s broke – the kind of broke that causes a man to do something desperate. Looks like he’s going to take Stu up on that indecent proposal next week.

But we do hope that Goldie is fired. That’s the third time “batshit crazy” Goldie has thrown up. Enough already!

Cast of Kickoff:
Oliver Cooper – Levon
Heather Graham – Julia
Michael Imperioli – Rick Rath
Brandon T. Jackson – Hashtag Black
Mary Lynn Rajskub- Goldie
Mercedes Masöhn – Amy Taylor Walsh
Stephen Tobolowsky – Stu Beggs
Brigette Davidovici – Nikki
Chris Titone – Hugh
John Madison Tye – Terry
DJ Lubel – DJ
Alonzo Bodden – Alozo
Darrell Britt-Gibson – Darrell
Jade Catta-Preta Jade