Shameless Recap: Do Right Vote White

The fourth episode of Season 9 of “Shameless” was about the election, with Frank still stumping for Mo White, Fiona on Ruiz’s side and Ford supporting Wyman. Most of the waitresses in Patsy’s were in line with Ford’s way of thinking and Fiona eventually came around.

I was hoping you could give me some pointers on how to get my homicidal mojo back ~ Carl Gallagher

The most entertaining segment belonged to Carl. Lip was annoyed with the smell permeating the house from Carl’s collection of dying dogs in the basement. Ian told Carl that it might have been better for the dogs if he went with the gas and pointed out that if Carl couldn’t even kill a dying dog, he should seriously rethink West Point. Ben, the kid who lost his West Point recommendation to Carl, showed up at the Gallaghers. He punched Carl in the nose and challenged him to a duel: “fists, feet, guns, knives, bats, bricks…. The person still breathing gets the recommendation… it’s the West Point way.”

Carl paid a visit to Clint, a “highly decorated haji killing machine” for advice. Clint assured Carl that not being able to kill a dog was not a sign of weakness by any means. It was, in fact, highly commendable. Carl should remember when he is out there “that man at the receiving end of your burst of automatic weapon fire” wants to kill his sister, his buddy or his mother. He recommended that Carl choose rifles and he should shoot Ben right in the face.

Carl chose guns. After he and Ben both walked their 20 paces in opposite directions, neither seemed able to pull the trigger. All of a sudden, Ben shot himself in the leg and confessed that it was his dad. He didn’t want to go to West Point anyway. He wanted to go to Sarah Lawrence and be a poet. Now that he’s crippled, he won’t have to go. Carl said it was only a flesh wound so Ben begged Carl to shoot him. Carl refused. Then Ben started reciting “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth and he would not shut up. So Carl shot him in the thigh. LOL!! Now there’s some poetic justice! (I hate that poem).

We have a new consulting business: Vagina Safe ~ Kevin Ball

Kev invited Bethany Pickford-Watson over to reinspect the Alibi and take it off her Rapiest Bar list. His Certifide Vagina Safe sign on the door was already attracting far more female customers than the Alibi had ever seen. Kev was even telling the regular patrons what level offender they were, questioning them and checking off where they fit: Kobe, Ansari, Weinstein, Woody Allen and CK. Bethany came over and had a whiskey neat and took the Alibi off her list. That promoted Bill Doyle’s place, the Spread Eagle, to first place. He came over and offered Kev money to help him get his bar off the list. A new business was born.

I give you ten grand, and you agree to stay away from Xan ~ Lip

Xan’s mother, Mercy, showed up at the bike shop and demanded that Lip hand Xan over. Lip correctly deduced that Mercy needed to produce Xan to get her welfare benefits renewed and refused. He spied on Mercy and watched her get in a car and turn a trick. Lip asked Xan if she wanted to stay with him and she said yes, if her mother never came back. Lip had an offer from a dentist to sell the bike he rebuilt for $12,000, 2 grand more than it was worth and was initially not interested for sentimental reasons. He decided to sell the bike and offer Mercy 10 grand to sign away her parental rights and make him Xan’s legal guardian. While this transaction was being considered, Xan showed up and was overjoyed to see her mom again. Overcome by the Mother and Child Reunion, Lip dropped the envelope with the money and ran off.

That was all very emotional but how long do you suppose it will take Mercy to go through $10,000? Three months tops, we say, unless she ODs or gets robbed when she’s high before then.

Am I getting held back? That happens a lot in my family ~ Liam Gallagher

Liam wanted to be homeschooled because he was so far ahead of his class, he wasn’t learning anything. There was good news for Liam at school, however. He was promoted to 6th grade. That might mean he will lose his bodyguard though. Liam won’t be able to pass Todd the test answers anymore.

Carl, a lot of lesbians have children, and besides, I hate men ~ Debbie Gallagher

Debbie left baby Frannie at home to spend the night with her new love, Alex. Then the two women decided to move in together. Alex soon realized she’d made a bad mistake when Debbie described their lovemaking as similar to making love to yourself, along with glowing descriptions of Matty and Derek’s bodies that were a bit much for Alex. Debbie was told to leave.

Think you could do hard time? ~ Ian Gallagher

Ian is looking at 10 to 15 years if he doesn’t take a plea with the van burning charges against him but the Gay Jesus movement wants a martyr. They want him to go to trial so they can march around with posters. Meantime, some anti-Gay Jesus characters showed up in a van and chased Ian all over town in an attempt to either kidnap him or seriously rearrange his teeth. Ian told Lip that he was hearing from Shim now and then but the messages weren’t clear. It’s kind of funny that Ian has all this advice for other people yet he has no idea what to do when he finds himself in this serious situation.

I didn’t get back into politics to be humiliated ~ Mo White

While Ford and Fiona were disagreeing on their votes, Frank dragged Mo White around time in an effort to boost his measly 6% chance of winning the election, while Mo ogled young schoolgirls every chance he got. Frank got the idea to force a runoff from Mo and hired Terry Milkovich, fresh out of the hoosegow, to intimidate voters. A riot broke out when Antifa protesters showed up. Fiona eventually changed her vote from match Ford’s but it was all for naught, when Mo White won. I don’t know how funny this segment might have been at any other time, but given the mess taking place right now, it was particularly unfunny.